Source: Steve Wilton of HTMRadio.com

Join us tonight for Shake Rattle & Roll! The Honky Tonk Man is back in what will be a blockbuster show! We’re live with “The Genius” Lanny Poffo and Great North Wrestling promoter Hannibal to discuss the Greg Valentine situation!

HTM also has his thoughts on Hogan’s upcoming “Retirement” from TNA, Ric Flair’s issues, Bubba “The Love” Sponge and more all coming up tonight! 7:30E (6:30C, 4:30PT, 00:30UK) www.htmradio.com

Steve Wilton
www.htmradio.com

With the hottest event of the summer just a few days away what better way to look to the future than to look to the past with look at the match made in heaven and the match made in hell at Summerslam 1991.

The show began with six man tag team action as Ricky Steamboat, Kerry Von Erich and Davey Boy Smith faced the team of Power & Glory, Hercules and Paul Roma, and the Warlord, accompanied by their manager, the doctor of style himself, Slick.

This was back when Steamboat was simply known as the Dragon, and came to the ring in a ridiculous costume before standing on the middle rope to breath fire. The bad entrance aside Steamboat put on some pretty good opening sequences with Roma before Slick’s team used him as their proverbial punching bag.

But when the big Warlord went for an elbow drop off the middle rope it was the beginning of the end. Moments later Davey Boy took Smith down with his power slam before Steamboat sealed the deal with his top rope body block for the pin. Not bad.

The first title match of the show saw Bret “Hitman” Hart challenging Mr. Perfect, accompanied by Coach (now that was one gimmick that longevity written all over it) for the Intercontinental Championship.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve seen this match over the past 20 years, but each I do I get that warm fuzzy feeling inside.

This was a classic encounter, the Hitman’s first step to super-stardom, and it’s the nearest you can get to a perfect encounter (no pun intended). The execution was excellent, the storytelling was sublime, and the most amazing thing about this match was that Perfect was suffering from a career threatening back injury at the time. He was offered the chance to forfeit the title and pull out of the match, but chose to go through with it instead.

I don’t think I need to go into hyperbole mode any more, so I’ll move forward to the ending, when Hart locked in the sharpshooter at the second time of asking, with Perfect quickly submitting to give the Hitman his first WWF singles title, and sending the Coach into obscurity.

It was back to tag team action for the next match as Jimmy Hart’s Natural Disasters, Earthquake and Typhoon, took on the Bushwhackers, Luke and Butch, accompanied by the barely mobile Andre the Giant.

While this won’t go down as one of the most memorable matches in history it was pretty entertaining. The boys from down under did their usual comedy routine at the start, making the big boys run into each other a few times before Hart’s men took over and used their power to good effect.

Luke and Butch put in a good effort but in the end fell to the superior size and power of their opponent, with Earthquake taking Luke out with his sit down splash for the win.

The Disasters then went after Andre, who were headed off at the pass by the Legion of Doom, sending them running for cover.

Interesting backstage segment next. Bobby Heenan, carrying a big gold World title belt, went to Hulk Hogan’s dressing room to challenge him on behalf of Ric Flair, only to get the door slammed in his face. I think we all know how this storyline turned out.

The second title match, if you can call it that, saw Ted Dibiase, accompanied by Sensational Sherri, defending his Million Dollar title against his former gopher Virgil.

To compare this match to their Wrestlemania encounter would be like comparing chalk to cheese, mainly because Virgil was a far better wrestler then.

I couldn’t believe the crowd reaction for this one as Virgil took it to his former boss early on, only for Dibiase to throw him around outside the ring before taking him apart inside of it.

But later, when Virgil locked in the Million Dollar Dream on Dibiase Sherri came into the ring and clocked him with her purse. The referee immediately called for the bell, and conferred with the Fink. So when everyone thought that Virgil would win the match by disqualification and not the title the Fink announced he was banishing Sherri from ringside and re-starting the match.

So the action continued, and Dibiase took Virgil down with two suplexes and a pile driver while the referee was taking a snooze. He then removed one of the corner pads, intending to ram Virgil’s head into it, only for the former bodyguard to use the exposed steel for his own ends.

As the referee counted both men Virgil crawled over to his fallen foe and made the cover, and a three count later he’d won the title, with the crowd going nuts as he celebrated in the ring. And you know what? This was actually quite good!

Next up was the jailhouse match between the Big Boss Man and the Mountie, accompanied by Jimmy Hart. The stipulations for this one were simple – the loser would spend a night in the slammer.

No technical classic here, this was two guys beating the hell out of each other while trying to stay out of the pokey, and it was pretty damn entertaining at that.

Both guys put in good performances, with the Mountie wanting to use his cattle prod at one point. However, there was one point where it looked like there may have been a foul up on the Mountie’s part when he kicked out after the Boss Man slam.

The match ended seconds later when the Boss Man reversed the Mountie’s second pile driver attempt and took his man down with an Alabama slam. A three count later and it was over, with the local fuzz coming down to the ring so they could cuff the Mountie and cart him off to prison.

After a ton of interviews with various stars and segments with the Mountie arriving in prison it was onto the final title match as Hawk and Animal, the Legion of Doom, challenged the Nasty Boys, Brian Knobs and Jerry Sags, accompanied by Jimmy Hart, for the Tag Team titles in a no disqualification and no count out match.

Although there were essentially no rules for this match this was a few years before hardcore matches came into vogue, which meant that there wasn’t that many weapons shots in this one. Early on the Nasties used a can of mace and what looked like a water cooler on Hawk.

From there the four big guys basically beat the hell out of each other, with Hawk taking most of the punishment before getting the tag to Animal, who clobbered Jimmy Hart, stole his motorcycle helmet and clobbered Sags with it. A doomsday device later and the LOD had the title winning pin, becoming the first team to have held the WWF, AWA and NWA Tag Team titles.

Then it was back to singles action, as Irwin R. Shyster faced Greg Valentine in his role as a beloved baby face, a rather unusual role for the Hammer.

Although this is regarded as a throwaway kind of match it was actually a very good encounter between two technically sound veterans. Nothing too spectacular but everything was well executed.

Valentine managed to get the figure four onto IRS, but the taxman managed to get to the ropes so he could break the hold. The next few moments saw Valentine signalling for the figure four again without actually going for the hold. Eventually he went for a second figure four, only for IRS to take the pin with a small package.

The first of the two main events was next, the “Match Made in Hell”, as the Triangle of Terror, Sgt. Slaughter, Colonel Mustafa (aka the Iron Sheik) and General Adnan faced WWF Champion Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior, with Sid “Vicious” Justice as the special referee.

This match has gone down in history for what went on before and after it happened. Before the match began the Warrior demanded that Vince McMahon pay him a massive amount of money or he’d do a no-show. Warrior was basically black-mailing him and McMahon, not wishing to jeopardise his main event, paid up.

As for the match, there had been speculation as to where Justice stood, especially after he was filmed talking to Slaughter and his boys earlier in the day. There was also speculation as to whether Hogan and the Warrior could get along. A foretelling of what was to come, perhaps?

This was a typical Hulk Hogan early 90’s kind of match, and as far as main events goes it was pretty bog standard. Both Adnan and Mustafa looked years past their prime and did very little, with Slaughter carrying the load for his team and looking pretty good in doing so.

There were the usual moments where Slaughter and his men took it to Hogan and the Warrior, but as the Warrior chased after Adnan and Mustafa with a chair in his hand Hogan threw powder into Slaughter’s eyes before delivering the leg drop of doom for the three count.

Hogan then began his usual posing in the ring, calling Justice back into the ring to join him. Nobody seemed to care that the Warrior wasn’t there, but by then Vince McMahon had fired him (do you think he did the famous “you’re fired!” bit?).

The second main event was the “Match Made in Heaven” as “Macho Man” Randy Savage married Miss Elizabeth, and since I don’t review weddings you’ll have to watch this yourself to see how this turned out.

In conclusion – it’s been quite a few years since I’ve seen this show in full, and I found it very enjoyable for the most part. The matches ranged from great (Hart/Perfect) to okay (most of the rest).

But once again this was a timely reminder of those wrestlers who appeared on this show who are no longer with us, Kerry Von Erich, Davey Boy Smith, Hercules, Andre the Giant, Earthquake, Sensational Sherri, Big Boss Man, Hawk, Randy Savage, Miss Elizabeth, great talents all of them.

It’s also a reminder of how what goes on backstage can have a drastic effect on things. Back then everyone wondered just what had happened to the Warrior, and why he hadn’t returned to the ring for the pose down. Well, if he hadn’t been such a greedy so-and-so.

So in all Summerslam ‘91 gets the thumbs up from me as an entertaining event, one that’s definitely worth viewing again. Well, apart from the main event, and the wedding.

Don’t forget to check out my website at twoshedsreview.blogspot.com.

It was one of the biggest moments in professional wrestling history, and it happened 15 years ago this month as Lex Luger, Sting and Randy Savage faced The Outsiders and their mystery partner in the main event of World Championship Wrestling’s Bash at the Beach.

The show began with a battle of the masked men as Psicosis went up against fellow luchadore Rey Mysterio Junior.

Now this was one of the things WCW did best back then, tremendous opening matches featuring some of the best smaller guys in the world. Psicosis and Mysterio knew each other so well they were able to but on an outstanding match.

It began with an exchange of submission holds early on, progressing nicely as Mysterio countered Psicosis’ submission attempts with plenty of high flying moves. It was a joy to watch, especially when Psicosis took Mysterio down with a senton from the top rope while Rey was on the floor.

The ending proved to be just as spectacular. As Psicosis was about to take his man down with a splash mountain off the top rope Mysterio countered in mid-air with a hurricanrana to get the winning pin. Awesome stuff.

The next match saw Big Bubba, accompanied by Jimmy Hart, went up against John Tenta in a Carson City silver dollar match. This was basically an object on a pole match, with the object being a sock full of silver coins.

This won’t exactly go down as the most memorable moment in the careers of these now sadly departed stars. What you had hear was a 350 pound guy taking on a 500 pound guy in a match where they have to climb a ten foot pole to grab an item. Yep, you read that right.

It was basically the two big guys beating the hell out each other, and it really wasn’t that good. It was pretty obvious that neither Bubba or Tenta would be able to climb the pole, and in the end Bubba got Jimmy Hart to climb the pole and grab the coins for him.

But when Hart came down the pole he didn’t find Bubba waiting for him. Tenta had already taken him out. He quickly grabbed the coin bag from Hart and clobbered Bubba in the face, with the former and future Boss Man falling like a sack of spuds. A three count later it was over.

The gimmick match action continued with Dallas Page taking on Jim Duggan in a taped fist match, with Page’s Lord of the Ring title on the line.

This was quite entertaining in it’s own way. Page’s tactics were obvious early on when he taped Duggan’s legs around the ring post and cut the tape from his fists. From there he did a good job of countering Hacksaw’s brawling style.

Duggan had his moments, but in the end it wasn’t enough as Page took him down with the diamond cutter for the winning pin.

Old Hacksaw had his revenge though, taping his fist and knocking Page out with a big right.

Yet more gimmick match action followed as Public Enemy, Johnny Grunge and Rocco Rock, went up against the Nasty Boys, Brian Knobs and Jerry Sags and in dog collar match.

This was basically four guys beating the hell out of each other, and was actually quite laughable at times.

They began by brawling around ringside, eventually making their way to the beach entrance set as they hit each other with surfboards, life preservers and an inflatable shark, and that’s probably the only time you’ll see that phrase in one of my reviews.

After a few moments in the sand they made their way back to the ring, which is where we got the laughable sight of a table failing to break not once but twice. It was obvious that the original ending and the on the fly one went out of the window.

So what looked like the new ending came when Knobs hanged Grunge over the rope, and Sags whipped Rock into Knobs’ chain, with Sags pinning his man seconds later.

The most ironic moment came in the post-match brawl when the indestructible table finally broke.

The first title match of the evening saw Disco Inferno challenging Dean Malenko for the Cruiserweight title.

Before this match I had always viewed Disco as a dancing fool. But when I first saw this match all those years ago my opinion changed a little.

Although Malenko dominated for the most part Disco was able to keep up with him, and, for the most part, he eschewed his dancing routines in favour of real wrestling action, and it was this that almost took him to a title winning pin. Almost.

But in the end Malenko came out on top, proving once again that he was one of the best in the world, taking Disco down with a double under hook power bomb into a cloverleaf for the submission win. Great stuff.

The singles action continued with Joe Gomez taking on Four Horseman Steve McMichael, accompanied by his lovely wife Debra.

This was Mongo’s third ever match, and it clearly showed. It wasn’t pretty, and there were times when he looked a little lost, especially when he tried to run the ropes, and when he went for a roll-up.

He came out on top in the end though, taking Gomez down with a tombstone for the win.

The second title match saw Ric Flair, accompanied by Miss Elizabeth and Woman, challenging Konnan for the United States title.

This was back when Flair and Konnan could wrestle. These two put together a pretty good match, with Konnan more than able to keep up with his illustrious opponent.

Of course, Flair did his usual moves, the staggering front bump and the one where he’s caught and slammed off the top rope, but his performance here was as sound as I’ve ever seen.

The ladies had a part to play as well, with Woman kicking Konnan south of the equator while Elizabeth distracted the referee. Mrs. Sullivan would also play a vital part in the ending, knocking Konnan out with the heel of her shoe so Flair could get the title winning pin.

Hostilities between the Four Horsemen and the Dungeon of Doom resumed next as Chris Benoit and Arn Anderson took on Kevin Sullivan and World Champion The Giant (aka the Big Show), accompanied by Jimmy Hart, with a member of the Horsemen getting a title shot if they manage to pin either Sullivan or the Giant.

The DOD attacked the Horsemen attacked the Horsemen as they made their entrance, but when Steve McMichael clobbered the Giant with his briefcase the champ chased Mongo backstage, leaving Sullivan alone with Anderson and Benoit.

The Giant returned a few moments later, but by that time the Horsemen were taking Sullivan apart. Eventually the Taskmaster got the hot tag, and while Sullivan and Benoit brawled up the aisle and to the announcer’s platform the Giant choke slammed Anderson for the winning pin.

But the action continued after the bell as Benoit and Sullivan continued their brawl, with the Crippler dragging Sullivan back to the ring. It was then that Woman ran down, pleading with Benoit to stop his attack before the Giant returned to halt the assault.

The main event was dubbed the “Hostile Takeover Match”, and pitted Team WCW, Sting, Lex Luger and Randy Savage against the Outsiders, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash, along with their mystery partner.

After Hall and Nash made their entrance, without the mystery third man, Gene Okerlund came down to the ring and asked the Outsiders where the third man was. All they said was that their partner was in the building, but they didn’t need him yet, making this a handicap match.

It soon became two against two though. As Nash held Luger in a front face lock across the corner post Sting connected with a stinger splash, knocking Luger out cold, unable to carry on.

With the sides evened up Hall and Nash did a good job of isolating the Stinger, taking him apart with various holds until he managed to get the big tag to Savage. The Macho Man looked mad as he went to work, but a low blow from Nash while the referee’s back was turned stopped the assault.

Then it happened. None other than Hulk Hogan walked down the aisle and entered the ring, and when it looked like he was there to help Sting and Savage he leg dropped the Macho Man. The referee was then sent flying out of the ring before Hogan delivered another leg drop, with Hall making the count as Hogan went for the pin.

As fans threw their rubbish into the ring to voice their displeasure Hogan told Mean Gene that the New World Order had arrived, and that the fans could “stick it”, the show ended with Tony Schiavone saying “Hulk Hogan, you can go to hell!”

In conclusion – it’s been 15 years since I’ve seen this show (and I watched it back then on a German channel), and overall it has its ups and downs.

There’s some pretty good matches on here. The Mysterio/Psicosis encounter was a great way to start the show, while the Malenko/Disco and Konnan/Flair were solid encounters with great storytelling. However, others, including McMichael/Gomez, Tenta/Bubba and Duggan/Page were a let down.

But despite the good matches here this show will always be remembered for the main event, Hulk Hogan’s heel turn and the birth of the New World Order. It certainly was a match full of drama. It was well executed and it built up nicely to Hogan’s appearance. The interview at the end really made it though, and without it the whole situation wouldn’t have had that wow factor.

So does Bash at the Beach ‘96 get the thumbs up? Yes, but not a big thumbs up, because out of all the matches here only half of them delivered.

Don’t forget to check out my website at twoshedsreview.blogspot.com.

Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is the debut of The Phantom Rant. Now you might be asking yourself why exactly is this a debut if you’ve been posting for a billion years (in internet years). Well I’ve decided that I need a rebranding.

The WWE rebranded their selves.

TNA rebranded their selves (well sort of).

Why not me? I’ve been in a dire need of a change and “The Rant Of The Week” while it served me well just had ran it’s course. So here I am with The Phantom Rant. I am Phantom Lord and this is well my Rant.

I had originally started work on this column about two weeks ago but as usual writers block and topic changes hit me hard. Just when I think I’m starting to get on a roll something happens and I have to stop in my tracks. So with that in mind I am going to focus all of my attention on TNA for this column. Over the last week Uncle Eric has been picking a fight with the IWC and after the events of the Slammiversary World Championship match…and well…

Wrestling matters is the new slogan right? Well there was a lot of wrestling so I’ll give them that. Some of it was really good. Some of it was meh. But there was wrestling so I can’t fault them there.

What I can fault them on…especially you Uncle Eric is the bullshit ending to the Sting/Anderson World Title match. How hard is it to just stay away from the ring and not be an evil authority figure. The match was going great until you had to smugly walk down to the ring. Don’t get me wrong, as a producer I hope I can achieve the level of success you have with Bischoff/Hervey Productions when I eventually get into the entertainment business. But my GOD I am getting sick and tired of watching 1999-2000 happen all over again.

Now if given the chance I would love to go back to 1999 so I can redo the last decade of my life. But just because I would like to do that doesn’t mean I want to see the same stuff I saw ten years ago happen again. Now I get it. You guys fucked up WCW back then so you figure you can do it all over again the way you wanted to but couldn’t. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. The ego trip you are having right now is as usual at the expense of we the lowly fans that watch this stuff. Now the first thing you’ll probably say is “well if you don’t like it, then don’t watch it”. Well just because I don’t like what you guys who are running are doing doesn’t mean I have to give up watching the people I do like.

This match with Sting and Mr. Anderson; you know they both deserve better then this. Anderson is the kind of guy you can build a company around. Sting is Sting. He doesn’t have to be there but he is. The match was going really well as I said until Uncle Eric strolled down to the ring. This nonsensical Hogan/Sting angle is just stupid. We know that Hogan in the back of his deluded mind still wants to “wrestle”. By wrestle I mean put himself over of course (which is what Hulk Hogan has always done). Hulk Hogan doesn’t do anything unless the end result is it benefiting Hulk Hogan. Now if this were even ten years ago I’d be okay sure why not, Sting and Hogan one more time. But this isn’t 2000 and Hulk Hogan isn’t the Hulk Hogan of even five years ago much less ten. So to see Bischoff come out and ruin a good match all to further this really dumb angle that has been done a thousand times since Austin/McMahon really pissed me off.

It’s the same old story about how TNA has all the tools in place to be a really good and successful company. This past Thursday’s Impact wasn’t half bad. Sting being off the rocker insane is actually a rather interesting idea. New Testament Sting has been boring for a long time. But Sting going all Old Testament has so much potential. Now despite the bullshit of the PPV title match ending, I have no problem with Mr. Anderson as champion. While many here on the Internet hate Anderson, I actually love his whole shtick. There’s just one small problem with how it went down on Impact.

Instead of Anderson having to face Kurt Angle and the start of that feud since Angle is now the number one contender; Gunner confronts Anderson. Apparently TNA is getting ready to put a rocket ship up his ass and push him straight to the moon. Why I have no idea. I mean he’s not bad from a wrestling standpoint, but from a character standpoint I have no reason what so ever to give a shit about him. So to see him being pushed is just confusing. I do have a theory as to why TNA is pushing Gunner.

Psycho eyes + horrible tattoos = Randy Orton.

I believe that TNA thinks that Gunner can be their version of Randy Orton. See Gunner has the crazy psycho eyes and not the crazy sociopath eyes so it’s not an exact version. If TNA must push him I have only one small request as a lowly viewer.

Give him a last name for Pete’s sake. I don’t care what name it is, just give him something. I hate wrestlers who only use a first name purely because of copyright reasons from the company. I mean the WWE manages to give everyone a first and last name. Most of the time it’s picked from a random generator and the names are horrible…but they have first and last names. So I’d probably take Gunner a bit more seriously if he had a last name. I’d also probably take him a bit more seriously if he were you know established. But that just goes back to the logic argument I’ve been making for oh I don’t know THE LAST FUCKING DECADE.

So with Anderson as the World Champion they decide to have a match with him and Gunner and Anderson LOSES to Gunner. It wasn’t even something screwy. It was a clean pin when Anderson got too full of himself. Okay that I can buy…but to GUNNER???

The thing that doesn’t really make sense is Immortal are the big heel group in the company. Anderson is now a full-fledged heel as champion. Bischoff and Hogan are going to sick the dogs of war on Anderson because he dared to not join them a month or so ago. Sting is at war with Immortal because Bischoff and Hogan are a cancer. Do I have all of that so far or am I missing anything? This is TNA’s problem in a nutshell. There’s no direction and focus. And when there is direction and focus it doesn’t make any damn sense.

Basically Immortal is after Anderson because he wouldn’t join them. This is essentially the N.W.O. vs. The Macho Man from 1997. Savage was part of the group but because he wanted the world title and to be the leader, Hogan declared war on him. I am not comparing Mr. Anderson to The Macho Man, but that’s the only thing I can think of since TNA is so intent on redoing all things WCW. So does this mean Anderson as champion will slowly have members of Immortal switch sides and join him until Bischoff and Hogan are down to just themselves? I liked it better when Anderson was becoming 1997 DDP. Anderson as a face who just doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself (shades of gray baby) would be better then this.

This is one of those times where this 10%’er is going to say I know more then the guys doing it. Okay if Immortal wants to take the belt off Anderson then Gunner is not the guy to do it.

There is only one person who Immortal should have as it’s top guy going for the gold right now and that man is Bully Ray. Week after week after week he continues to deliver and he had by far the match of the night with AJ Styles at the PPV. Bully Ray is the only person in all of Immortal that I give a shit about. I don’t care about Gunner. Don’t care about Abyss and his sudden ability to read A book. Matt Hardy is Robert Gibson to Jeff Hardy’s Ricky Morton. Out of all of these people the only one I care about is Bully Ray and that’s because he has a proven track record of being a guy who can piss people off. You want a heel that can piss off the crowd to the point to where they want to jump the rails and take him on. Even in a toned down form from his ECW days, Bully Ray knows how to push buttons and do this. All it would take is Bully Ray calling some kid’s mother a whore and that would be all that was needed to get the crowd against him.

I would have much rather seen a feud between Old grumpy fire & brimstone Sting against Bully Ray. Bully Ray would know every button to push to get Sting to want to kill him. But instead we are probably going to get Sting against Hogan (for the reasons mentioned earlier).

I will give TNA some credit. They have something in theory that could be interesting with this Bound For Glory title shot tournament. I believe it’s supposed to be like a Round robin tournament like they do in Japan. But instead of taking time to really explain the damn thing and everyone who is in it they just threw something up on Youtube and then did some brief rundown on Impact. And the very first match right out off the bat with no build up what so ever? RVD vs. Samoa Joe. A damn main event PPV right there and they did it with no build up what so ever.

They could have at least signed it for next week and hyped the hell out of it. It turns out it was a pretty good match as Samoa Joe had the first signs of life in him in months. But this is TNA’s problem (and the WWE’s for that matter) in a nutshell. They do these matches that people would want to see but instead of building interest for it they just throw it out there and hope for the best. Well despite that it should be interesting.

Here are who is in this tournament. The final four fight at No Surrender in September and the winner of that faces the World Champion at Bound For Glory in October.

Rob Van Dam
AJ Styles
Gunner
Bully Ray
Crimson
James Storm
Matt Morgan
Devon
Scott Steiner
The Pope
Bobby Roode
Samoa Joe

Out of all of those people I want it to come down to Bully Ray, James Storm, Samoa Joe, and Scott Steiner.

Realistically I want to see either Bully Ray or James Storm win the whole thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if it ends up being Robert Roode, Crimson, AJ Styles, and Gunner.

Crimson is another guy I just don’t care about…but TNA sees something in Redberg. Just stop saying he’s from Brooklyn. I’ve been through Bushwick and Crimson is not from Bushwick…or Bed Sty (Do Or Die) or Crown Heights or Flatbush or my home turf of Bensonhurst. Crimson is supposed to be Goldberg with the streak. See it does all come back to WCW. Despite my lack of interest in Crimson he is another person who we will have to suffer through.

It all goes back to my line of thinking about how all-new wrestlers debuting in any company need hype videos for at least one month in advance before they even set foot into an arena for a television show. You need something to hook people in. Going back to the Redberg/Goldberg comparison, I remember Goldberg’s debut in WCW. He was just some guy who debuted on a random Nitro one week. Somehow by pure luck he kept on winning and all of a sudden people started rooting for him. That was something genuine because no one had ever seen this guy before. When “streaks” are done artificially (I know it’s wrestling so that’s ironic), meaning they want you to pay specific attention to someone where they ram it down your throat most of the time it has the opposite effect.

Now if Crimson was built slowly and surely from the ranks perhaps I could buy his streak being something. I can’t see TNA doing a Goldberg like streak for him but with this Bound For Glory tournament it’s sadly a safe bet that he will almost certainly make it to the final four.

It’s like I said. It’s not that I think he sucks. It’s just that they have given me as a viewer no reason what so ever to care.

This column took way too long to write as usual. I hope this summer that I will be more frequent with the rebranded name and such. One thing I was going to mention had I written this column last month was I went to a local Indy show right here in Brooklyn. FEW. Eric Young vs. Jay Lethal & Winter vs. Rosita with Christy Hemme as the special guest referee headlined the show.

Being about ten feet away from Winter…My God. I would have gotten some great pics but I forgot my memory card at home.

Anyways I had a lot of fun at this show. It’s so great to just be a fan and to yell and scream all the insults you can think of at the bad guys (or root for them in some cases) and cheer for the good guys. I almost lost my voice by the end of the night.

They have a DVD of their May 14th event coming out and I think it’s worth buying the DVD just for Eric Young vs. Jay Lethal alone. It was easily one of the best matches I’ve seen in ages and it makes you wonder how in the hell does TNA squander Eric Young and how did they let Lethal go. Lethal did his great Macho Man tribute (which was a week before his untimely passing) and Flair tribute as well.

Winter vs. Rosita was interesting since Rosita was a face and thus ignoring everything they have her do in TNA now as part of Mexican America. I think if TNA ever decides to come to their senses and turn her good she would be massively over. She was the perfect face in peril with Winter. I was rooting for Winter the entire match though. Never the less it was a fun match and if it happened in TNA it would dispel the rumors that the Knockouts can’t wrestle.

The rest of the show was stellar as well. There was this one guy named Malta The Damager who we really liked. He had an Undertaker vibe to him. Plus he was also accompanied to the ring by an actual Friar (I believe it said Most Venerable Order of St John of Jerusalem Military Hospital on the back of his cloak). For a big man he is very agile and he should get a look from someone in the big leagues.

So if you are in the NYC area or want info on the DVD check out their Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/FWEWrestling

Well on that note I believe I am done for this “first” edition of my Rant. The tone of this column might have been directed towards Eric Bischoff and his opinions on the Internet, but most of you who have read my columns by now know I am hardly some annoying workrate smark. It’s like I’ve always said. If I like something then I’ll say so. But if I don’t like something then you’ll definitely know about it.

So on that note take care and remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.

COMMENT as you see fit.
E-mail me at PhantomLordNYC@yahoo.com

If you are really bored follow me on Twitter

THE TWO SHEDS REVIEW by Julian Radbourne
E-mail: juli316uk@yahoo.co.uk
Website: http://twoshedsreview.blogspot.com

The world was deep in crisis. A coalition of armed forces from around the world had ejected Saddam Hussein’s forces from neighbouring Kuwait. Meanwhile, WWF Champion Sgt. Slaughter had been praising the “brave Iraqi nation” as he prepared for his big title defence in the main event of the heavily patriotic Wrestlemania VII, switched from it’s original location at the Los Angeles Coliseum to the small L.A. Sports Arena because of “security concerns”. As a well loved British sit-com character would say: “Security concerns my arse!”

The show began with tag team action as the future Faces of Fear, Haku and the Barbarian, managed by Bobby Heenan, faced off against the Rockers, Shawn Michaels and Marty Janetty.

This was a great opener, not the usual quick match that we’d become accustomed to on previous WWF pay-per-views.

I’d forgotten just how good Haku and the Barbarian looked in this match. They put in a great effort as they took Janetty apart early on.

But after the Barbarian missed a top rope head butt the Rockers came back into the match, with Janetty and Michaels putting on some great double team moves before Janetty took Haku out with a top rope dropkick, Michaels getting the pin after a top rope body block, giving the Rockers their first Wrestlemania victory.

The singles action began with Dino Bravo, accompanied by Jimmy Hart, taking on “The Texas Tornado” Kerry Von Erich.

This one began when Bravo attacked Von Erich as he was getting into the ring, and from there it developed into a slugfest, Von Erich quickly recovered, slapping on the claw before finishing Bravo off with the tornado punch. Well, it wasn’t bad, but how many of you actually remember this match?

Then it was on to the battle of the powerhouses as “British Bulldog” Davey Boy Smith faced Slick’s big guy the Warlord.

The story surrounding this one was whether the Bulldog could break out of the Warlord’s full nelson, and after these two beat on each other for a while the Warlord finally locked in the hold.

The only thing was that Davey Boy did managed to break the hold, taking the Warlord down with his trademark power slam for the pin to end an entertaining encounter.

The first title match of the show saw Brian Knobs and Jerry Sags, the Nasty Boys, accompanied by Jimmy Hart, challenging the Hart Foundation, Bret “Hitman” Hart and Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart for the Tag Team titles, the Nasties having earned their shot be winning a tag team battle royal.

The crowd went wild during this one, including a young Macaulay Culkin. Referred to by Gorilla Monsoon as “that youngster”. I guess he wasn’t a fan of Home Alone.

Twenty years ago I didn’t really like this match, but viewing it now made me realise that this was actually quite good, a well thought out encounter which made sense in every way.

The Nasties spent a great deal of time working over the Hitman’s back, but after he managed to get the hot tag to Neidhart the Anvil cleaned house.

The challengers made several mistakes as the Harts took control, taking Knobs down with the Hart attack clothesline.

But as the Anvil made the cover Sags clobbered him with his manager’s crash helmet while the referee was otherwise distracted. A three count later and new champions were crowned.

The infamous blindfold match between “The Model” Rick Martel and Jake “The Snake” Roberts followed, set up months before after Martel almost blinded Roberts with his “Arrogance” perfume during an edition of the Brother Love Show.

This has to be one of the dumbest matches I’ve ever seen. It was basically two hooded guys staggering around the ring, with the fans cheering Roberts whenever he pointed to Martel.

There were a few moves, and Martel even managed to get the Boston crab on at one point, but moments later Roberts bumped into him and took him out with a DDT for the winning pin.

Jake The Snake staggering around the ring? Now where have I seen that before?

Normal action resumed as “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka took on the Undertaker, accompanied by Paul Bearer.

Yep, this is where the streak began. The dead man dominated from the outset, and whenever Snuka managed any offence it had no effect. It wasn’t long before ‘Taker took him out with the tombstone for the win. Seeing this match again reminds me why I became such a big fan of the big guy in the first place.

Then it was on to the big grudge match as “Macho King” Randy Savage, accompanied by Sensational Queen Sherri, took on the Ultimate Warrior in a retirement match.

Before the match began commentator Bobby Heenan saw a familiar face sitting in the crowd, none other that Savage’s former manager Miss Elizabeth. Remember this kids as it will be important later.

This was a masterful piece of storytelling between two wrestlers at the top of their game. With so much on the line these two gave their all as they attempted to protect their careers.

There were so many great moments here it would take too long to list them all. Savage connected with five top rope elbows, and the Warrior still kicked out of the pin. Warrior connected with the gorilla press/big splash combination, and Savage kicked out.

Then Savage attacked Warrior after he’d left the ring, unsure if it was his destiny to continue, returning after Savage missed his top rope attack.

After a series of rope to rope shoulder blocks it was all over. The Warrior placed his foot on Savage’s chest and got the career saving pin.

But that wasn’t the end of the story. After realising that her meal ticket was done Sherri attacked Savage as he lay on the mat. It was then that Elizabeth jumped the guardrail and charged the ring, throwing Sherri through the ropes. Moments later Savage and Elizabeth were tearfully reunited before they left the ring to a standing ovation.

It was back to tag action as Tenryu and Kitao took on Smash and Crush of Demolition, managed by Mr. Fuji.

This match came about as a result of the WWF’s relationship with Japan’s Superworld Sports. Don’t remember that particular promotion? Well, it didn’t last long, and went out of business the following year.

The match wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t that special either, and it didn’t help that it was on after the best match of the show.

Tenryu got the pin for his team after taking Smash down with a power bomb.

The second title match of the evening saw the Big Boss Man challenging Mr. Perfect, accompanied by Bobby Heenan, for the Intercontinental title.

This feud had been going on for months, beginning when Rick Rude began insulting the Boss Man’s mother, actions which earned him a suspension from paper president Jack Tunney. Yep, back then you just had to say a few words about a fat guy’s mother to be in the dog house.

Then we saw the Boss Man working his way through the Heenan family until he got his shot at Perfect’s title.

This one had some nice opening sequences, but it was completely overshadowed by the surprise appearance of Andre the Giant, who came down to ringside to negate Heenan’s interference.

It kind of broke down from there. The Boss Man went for the pin after Andre clobbered Perfect with the title belt. Moments later Haku and the Barbarian rushed in and attacked the Boss Man, with the referee calling for the bell and giving the challenger the disqualification win. Andre and the Boss Man proceeded to clean house before leaving together.

The next match saw Greg “The Hammer” Valentine taking on Earthquake, managed by Jimmy Hart.

If memory serves this one was set up by events at a house show. Valentine had vanished from our television , returning in a tape segment in which he turned on Hart, becoming a beloved baby face on his return to the screen.

This was another of those throwaway matches which saw the big guy go down after Valentine clobbered him several times.

The Hammer was about to go for the figure four when Hart jumped on to the ring apron. Earthquake quickly recovered, getting the pin seconds later with the sit down splash.

The blink and you’ll miss it of the show saw Slick’s Power and Glory team of Hercules and Paul Roma facing Hawk and Animal of the Legion of Doom.

Herc and Roma attacked their foes before the bell, but it wasn’t long before Hawk and Animal took control, getting the pin in just under a minute after they took Roma out with the doomsday device.

The battle between master and former servant followed as Ted Dibiase took on Virgil, accompanied by Roddy Piper, hobbling around the ring after injuring his knee in a motorcycle accident.

Virgil began by peppering Dibiase with a few jabs, until the Million Dollar Man took- him to the wood shed with his far superior wrestling skills.

But after Piper used his crutch to pull down the top rope, which send Dibiase flying out the ring, our Ted seemed more intent on attacking the rowdy one.

It proved to be his downfall as the referee counted him out, giving Virgil the count out win.

Dibiase was irate and attacked Virgil, putting him in the million dollar dream until Piper managed to stagger into the ring so he could clobber Dibiase with his crutch.

Dibiase soon regained his senses, and with the surprising help of Sensational former Queen Sherri he inflicted further damage on Piper’s injured knee until Virgil came back in to make the save.

The penultimate match saw the Mountie, accompanied by Jimmy Hart, taking on Tito Santana.

This was an early pay-per-view outing for Jacque Rougeau’s newest gimmick, and who better to make him look good than the veteran Santana?

Not much action here though. While the Mountie was holding onto the ropes the referee tried to usher Santana away. Hart then handed the Mountie his trusty cattle prod, and one electric shock later Santana was out if it, giving the Mountie the easy win.

The main event saw Hulk Hogan challenging Sgt. Slaughter, accompanied by General Adnan, for the WWF title.

This was your typical Hogan early 90’s affair. With thousands of flag patriotic Americans cheering him on Hogan dominated the early stages, throwing Slaughter around the ring like he was a stuffed toy.

Slaughter eventually worked his way back with some underhanded tactics, including a couple of chair shots, one of which busted Hogan open, all of this before he finally went for the camel clutch.

After a while Hogan managed to get back to his feet but was soon taken back down by the Sarge. But instead of going for the pin the champion went for his Iraqi flag, draping it over Hogan before going for the cover.

Then, the inevitable happened. Hogan kicked out and hulked up, tearing the Iraqi flag in two before taking Slaughter out quickly with the leg drop for the title winning pin.

In conclusion – this was only the third Wrestlemania I had seen, and it won’t got down as one of my favourites.

There’s some good matches here, but the move away from the Coliseum to the Sports Arena for “security reasons” hurt the atmosphere of the big event. It just didn’t feel that special.

It was also pretty obvious that Hogan was going to win. It was the only way they could go after Slaughter continued his pro-Iraqi ramblings while the coalition forces were fighting Saddam’s men.

So in all while this show gets the thumbs up, it’s not a big thumbs up. It’s an okay show3, but it will never go down as one of the best Wrestlemanias in history.

But think about this. What would have happened if Vince McMahon hadn’t decided to capitalise on Iraq’s invasion of Kuwait? How would things have played out if the WWF had gone with their original plan, the re-match between Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior. Would the show have been moved due to lack of ticket sales I mean security reasons?

I think we all know the answer to this one, don’t we?

THE TWO SHEDS REVIEW by Julian Radbourne
E-mail: juli316uk@yahoo.co.uk
Website: http://twoshedsreview.blogspot.com

April 1st, 1990: It was only the second time I’d seen the grand-daddy of them all, and the first time I saw it live as Hulk Hogan squared off against the Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania VI. But is it still as good as I remember it? That’s what I’m hoping to find out with this retro review.

The show began with Koko B. Ware taking on the man who gave his entrance music to Val Venis, the Model himself, Rick Martel.

A quick opener saw the Birdman pull off some good moves early on, before Martel took control and quickly locked in the Boston crab for the submission win. Not bad, but not really anything to write home about.

The first title match of the evening followed as one of my all-time favourite tag teams, Ax and Smash, aka Demolition, challenged Bobby Heenan’s Colossal Connection of Andre the Giant and Haku for the Tag Team titles.

This was Andre’s last WWF match. The poor guy was barely mobile at this point, with Haku carrying the workload for the team.

Demolition put in their usual entertaining brawling performance, and Haku looked good here. But when Andre came in and held Smash so Haku could take him the face painted one escaped from the Giant’s clutches, Haku’s kick taking Andre out of the equation.

It was the beginning of the end. Moments later Ax connected with the second rope elbow while Smash held Haku in position as Demolition took the pin and began their third reign as champions.

But that wasn’t the end of things. An irate Brain jumped into the ring and berated Andre, slapping him in the face. This was the nail in the coffin as far as Heenan was concerned as Andre took both Heenan and Haku out before leaving the arena to a roaring reception. A well executed encounter, and a nice way of turning the Giant face.

A battle of size versus power followed as Hercules went up against Earthquake.

This was another entertaining match as Herc tried to take the big guy down early on, but old Quake was just too big for him. Hercules would go on to a measure of success, but when he tried to life Earthquake onto his shoulders for the backbreaker that was it. Seconds later he fell victim to Earthquake’s sit down splash. The big guy looked great here, and it was needed considering what was in store for him in the weeks and months to come.

The next big grudge match saw Mr. Perfect, accompanied by the Genius, taking on Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. This match was set up after Beefcake’s encounter with the Genius at the Royal Rumble, with the brainy one getting an unwanted haircut.

Beefcake dominated Perfect early on, and it was only after Perfect clobbered him with the Genius’ metal scroll that he managed to get back into the match.

But Perfect’s showboating cost him as Beefcake catapulted him into the metal ring post. A three count later and the “perfect” record had come to an end.

The Barber’s fun didn’t end there as he managed to get hold of the Genius and finish the job he’d started a few months before. Surely Lanny’s hair would have grown back by then? As for the match, well, I was a mark for the Barber back then, so you can probably guess how I felt about this one.

Then it was on to Bad News Brown going up against the Rowdy man, Roddy Piper. This was the infamous match where Piper came down to the ring with half of his body blacked up, something you definitely couldn’t get away with in our politically correct world today.

No fancy wrestling holds in this one. This was just one big fight, with these two trying to beat the crap out of each other.

But despite all of their efforts there was no winner, with both men being counted out while they were brawling around the ring, continuing their fight all the way back up the aisle. I guess they weren’t interested in using one of those little cart things to take them back after what was a slightly disappointing affair, and this is coming from a massive Piper mark.

It was back to tag team action for the next match as the Hart Foundation, Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, faced the Bolsheviks, Boris Zhukov and Nikolai Volkoff.

A quick match began when Neidhart attacked Volkoff while he was singing the Russian national anthem. Zhukov quickly fell to the Hart attack clothesline for the three count. Not quite the quickest match in Wrestlemania history, but it succeeded in re-establishing the Harts as credible challengers again.

Back in the singles ranks Tito Santana took on Bobby Heenan’s latest charge the Barbarian, still decked out in his Powers of Pain attire.

The one thing that Santana was really good at was making others look great. It was something he’d done time and time again, which was probably why he was put into this match.

Both guys looked good here, with Santana almost getting the pin after his patented flying forearm, only for Heenan to put his man’s on the bottom rope when Santana made the cover.

Moments later the Barbarian took Santana out with a top rope clothesline for the pin, impressing in his first big singles outing.

The first mixed tag match I ever saw followed as “Macho King” Randy Savage and Sensational Queen Sherri went up against Dusty Rhodes and Sapphire, the big surprise here being the appearance of Miss Elizabeth in their corner.

Let’s be honest here. The exchanges between Rhodes and Savage were well executed, but when Sherri and Sapphire went up against each other the match quality took a sudden downturn.

The end came with the help of Elizabeth, who pushed Sherri back into the ring as a grateful Sapphire used the old playground trick to pick her up for the pin. Well, I doubt if this will be remembered as a Wrestlemania classic.

The tag team action continued as the Rockers, Shawn Michaels and Marty Janetty, faced Mr. Fuji’s Orient Express, Akio Sato and Pat Tanaka.

Now this was more like it. I’d forgotten how good this version of the Express was as they proved to be perfect adversaries for Michaels and Janetty, with both teams putting in great performances.

Fuji was involved in the ending, tapping Janetty with his cane as the Rockers were about to unleash their double fist drop. Janetty went after the manager, only for Sato to do the old powder in the eye routine. As Michaels went to help his partner the Rockers were counted out, giving Fuji’s men the win.

Then it was back to singles action as Dino Bravo, accompanied by Jimmy Hart and Earthquake, took on Hacksaw himself, Jim Duggan.

No technical stuff here, this was just two big guys beating on each other. It wasn’t pretty, but it was effective.

Duggan took the controversial win here. After seeing off Earthquake’s attempted interference he stopped Bravo from using his 2-by-4, clobbering the Canadian with the big bit of wood instead while the referee was other distracted, getting the three count moments later. But it didn’t do Duggan much good as Earthquake came into the ring and took him out with three sit down splashes.

One of the matches I really wanted to see again as Jake “The Snake” Roberts faced off against the original Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiase, with Million Dollar Belt on the line.

Forget what you’ve seen about the Snake’s man offerings over the past few years. This was Jake Roberts at his best, going up against an equally worthy opponent in the form of Dibiase.

It’s a great match, although it could have done with being slightly longer. Dibiase took the count out win here, Virgil pushing him back into the ring after he’d applied the million dollar dream at ringside, Roberts countering by smashing him against the ring post.

Roberts had the last laugh, attacking Dibiase and Virgil from behind as they celebrated in the ring, taking Dibiase out with his patented DDT.

The battle of former tag team partners followed as Akeem, accompanied by Slick, faced the Big Boss Man, which meant I got to hear the greatest entrance song in wrestling history. You know what I’m talking about here.

This match was made after Ted Dibiase tried to bribe the Boss Man, immediately turning him face. Indeed, Dibiase had hidden under the ring after his match with Jake Roberts and attacked the Boss Man before the match began.

We then got a match that lasted just a few minutes. Akeem beat on the Boss Man for a while, the Boss Man returned the compliment before getting the pin after the Boss Man slam.

After Diamond Dallas Page drove the Honkytonk Man and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine to the ring so they could sing their new song (which was interrupted by the Bushwhackers) it was on to the penultimate match as Rick Rude took on Jimmy Snuka.

Another short and sweet encounter saw Snuka dominating for the most part, but when the Superfly missed a flying head butt Rude took control and the pin after the Rude awakening neck breaker.

Then it was on to the main event, the title versus title affair as Intercontinental Champion the Ultimate Warrior went up against WWF Champion Hulk Hogan.

Even after nearly 21 years I still get goose bumps whenever I watch this match. Although these two may not have been known for their technical prowess that didn’t matter, because this was a hell of an encounter.

For over twenty minutes Hogan and the Warrior put on a highly charged and highly emotional affair, a frantic back and forth encounter in which both men pulled out their big power moves.

Neither man was able to put the other way, but after the Warrior took Hogan down with the gorilla press/big splash combination the Hulkster kicked out of the pin, working towards his trademark finish.

But just as it looked like Hogan was going to win the Warrior moved out of the way of Hogan’s patented leg drop. A big splash later and the Warrior had the title winning pin, with Hogan presenting him with the title belt afterwards.

In conclusion – this was only the second WWF/E pay-per-view I’d seen live, and it’s still a very special show to me.

Even though the majority of these matches would be considered throwaway affairs by 2011 standards most of them are still very entertaining.

As for the main event, say what you want about the way Hogan and the Warrior have conducted themselves over the year you can’t deny that this was a classic match, one of the best of the 90’s. It really was the Ultimate Challenge.

So in all Wrestlemania VI gets the thumbs up. If you haven’t seen this show before it’s well worth watching. If you have it’s worth seeing again. It’s a tremendous piece of wrestling history.

Plug time! Don’t forget to check out my site at twoshedsreview.blogspot.com. Archive material is being added all the time.

Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester Of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is The Rant Of The Week. Maybe it’s high time I renamed this column because it’s officially bi-weekly at this point. Hell it’s been a month since my last column so maybe I should just drop the “Of The Week” part all together. I’m really at a crossroads as a column writer because much like the newspaper industry I see the writing on the wall for the future.

Now I started this column probably a week and a half ago but things just kept getting in the way. So I’ve come to the decision that I should retire from column writing. In the span that I had been trying to work on this column more then a few big stories came and went and it just doesn’t work when you have to keep editing and editing to make sure your column is as up to date as possible. Now I’m not going to announce my retirement and then keep coming back like Terry Funk. I also have no intentions of pulling a page out of the playbooks of KISS, The Rolling Stones, and numerous other bands. When I’m done I will be done with writing. I might move on to the aforementioned web cam stuff. I dabbled in podcasts a few years ago so I know how to do those. Like I said it’s just easier from a content standpoint to use a medium to put it up quickly rather then let it sit around and be outdated.

You might be asking yourself “what exactly has gotten Phantom to throw in the towel”.

Oh it was a lot of things, but one thing in particular made me realize I just can’t keep doing this anymore.

It was after I saw this I came to the conclusion that if I continued to write columns I would be writing the same thing over and over and over and over AND OVER AND OVER AND BY GOD OVER.

I’m sure we’ve all heard this quote from Albert Einstein because I think it sums up TNA in a nutshell.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

All I can say is Fuck Hulk Hogan. Seriously, Fuck him. I feel sorry for him with his back problems because you know back problems do suck. He had to really be bad off to have a spinal fusion done. But just because I feel sorry for Hogan doesn’t mean that translates to me wanting to see his old crippled ass on television. For someone who was saying how he wanted to “give back to the business” last year and how he would take TNA to the next level all he has done is kept them in the same damn spot. Hogan is very much like Verne Gange in the late 70’s and early 80’s. It’s all about him. Matter of fact if Hogan could do a leg drop with out fear of his plastic hip shattering you know damn well he would be TNA World Champion right now.

Now you know how I feel while writing these things. I’ve been saying the same things over and over for years about TNA and it’s always the same thing about TNA in the end. They take one step forward and a billion steps back. I just can’t take it anymore so I am done. I’ll do a proper farewell and then that will be that.

But until then there’s some of that wrestling stuff still going on so maybe for my own sanity I should focus on it.

Last week on RAW we saw the payoff to the 2-21-11 videos when The Undertaker was able to finally free himself from being entombed in the Buried Alive set and he made his grand return. I’m glad he was able to get out of that thing finally because no one helped him the night of the match. Poor guy would have been stuck in there until the next time they pulled that thing out of storage.

Oh I’m only kidding. Old Man Inc was in the repair shop for the last couple of months for his semi-annual tune up. Unfortunately for all of us the WWE couldn’t convince Sting to get off his lazy ass and do something worthwhile. So we all are going to be blessed with The Undertaker vs. Triple H at Wrestlemania 27. It’s no secret that Triple H is thinking about retiring so he can continue his ascension to the throne of the corporate side of the WWE (he is the son Vince never had after all). Not to say the match it self wouldn’t be good, it’s just the story behind it that is supposed to get lowly fans like me interested will suck. If they wanted to build interest for this then Triple H should have been the one to attack The Undertaker during the buried alive match a few months ago. Then you could have let it stew as to why Triple H would have done such a thing. This entire match means if it does happen is Wade Barrett who deserves a moment to shine is now S.O.L.

Speaking of Triple H wow did he ever bury not only the entire WWE roster but also Sheamus in one fell swoop. He’s not getting ready to retire. Hell he’s just getting warmed up. If he’s anything like Ric Flair we’re going to be seeing him still doing this shit leading into Wrestlemania 47 sometime in the year 2031. I’ll talk more about the WWE wanting to push new stars a little later, but when one of the top guys does something like this it’s a little hard for those new guys to get over. It’s a shame because Sheamus is so awesome and he deserves far better then this. I hope he gets sent to Smackdown where he can be far away from the glass ceiling with Cena and Triple H.

Wrestlemania 27 is at the moment looking like a rather weak card. As it is Vince is banking on the intrigue around The Rock and John Cena finally coming face to face. The main events for the card are The Miz defending against John Cena and Edge taking on Royal Rumble winner Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship. The only one of those matches I am interested in is Del Rio vs. Edge because the time is now for Del Rio.

I have been a fan of Edge’s since he came to the WWF back in 1998. But man if this is him winding down his career it’s going to be with a real whimper and thud. Since Edge can’t be Rated R and everything he was during his peak as a real sleazy asshole he has been so boring to watch character wise. Wrestling wise he’s still fine in the ring even if he’s just phoning it in. But Edge as a bland face is just boring as hell. This feud with Ziggler has been pretty meh to say the least. The matches have been fine; it’s just the story part of it that has sucked.

Don’t get me wrong I love Vickie Guerrero. People could take lessons from her on how to get hate from a crowd. But I just never could take Dolph Ziggler seriously because of well the name Dolph Ziggler. I get he’s supposed to be I guess the new Mr. Perfect (at least that’s what I get from the theme song). But as usual the WWE gives me no real reason to care about any of this stuff. I think the thing that killed Ziggler was when he kept coming up short for the Intercontinental title in 2009. That was really his time to shine and in typical WWE fashion they just didn’t have the balls to pull the trigger on him. Apparently Vince McMahon is all about pushing new stars now…at least according to the latest investor conference call. Of course to the WWE pushing new stars means putting them in high profile matches only to dick them around and make them look like shit for a year.

It’s really an odd thing. Basically the WWE figures if they take a young star and treat them like crap for long enough, by the time they are ready to give them the push they will know if they are loyal and will stay with the company thus worth the push to begin with. Personally if Ziggler stayed after being a member of The Spirit Squad where Triple H & SHAWN Michaels decimated them each and every week then odds are he will stick around for the long haul.

Personally I can’t figure out WWE booking when it comes to new stars. They have a bunch of guys who are ready for the next level and they refuse to do anything with them. Take John Morrison for example. There is no reason why this guy shouldn’t be at least a two-time former world champion by now. With the way the belt is thrown around sometimes you think he would have gotten at least a token run by now. There was the story about Vince basically not seeing John Morrison as a man because he let Batista get away with banging Melina with out fighting him. I’m sure there are a lot of pro wrestlers who pussies in real life…but what that has to do with their abilities in the ring and to draw money I have no idea. We’ve at least gotten something good with The Miz as WWE Champion. Miz is pretty much Rowdy Roddy Piper to John Cena’s Hulk Hogan. People do complain about Miz being booked weak and not actually winning matches on his own. People in my age bracket can remember that Roddy Piper during the height of his wars with Hogan never actually won a match. He almost always lost by countout or DQ. Only difference is back then feuds were stretched over the whole year and now they have to be condensed into a two-month cycle to fit into PPV schedules.

A lot of people breathed a sigh of relief when Jerry Lawler didn’t get a token WWE Championship win at the Elimination Chamber PPV. I am not one of them because I love The King and I would have liked to see him win the big one. In the world of the WWE, the King winning the AWA World Title in 1988 might doesn’t count as a big one. It’s just the company’s directive. If you ever played the last few Smackdown games you will notice things like only when they started in the WWE count as a debut. It was quite amusing to see Ric Flair and his debut listed as in 1991.

Despite all of that The King has been outstanding and Michael Cole really is a great tremendous asshole. Now we have a match heading into Wrestlemania 27 with Lawler vs. Cole. Cole is having Jack Swagger train him and he gets to pick a special guest referee. There are plenty of theories all over the Internet from the RAW GM to Stone Cold Steve Austin being the referee. Who ever the referee is really is an after thought. What people are missing is the fact they are totally redoing Lawler vs. Kaufman with this angle.

If the WWE had any guts, they would get Tony Clifton to be the special guest referee. I’m sure Andy would get a huge laugh out of that.

Of course getting Andy himself probably would be a much more logical choice to be the referee. Come on Andy it’s been 27 years. Wrestlemania 27…seems like a good time as any to finally make that comeback.

As for the match don’t expect anything spectacular. In fact I suggest everyone watch the original Lawler/Kaufman match. I have a feeling it will be exactly like that down to the stalling on the outside. Some people would prefer this match not to be on Wrestlemania. Perhaps they are right, but it’s not like the WWE has anything else of interest planned.

Just about one month to go and there are only four confirmed matches. Money In The Bank is probably off the show because it has it’s own shitty ppv. There probably will be a divas match of some sort. Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio is a strong possibility (I actually would like to see this match)…other then that nothing. If they are going to make the push for the show they should really start. If the show is being built around Cena and Rock coming face to face that is a hell of a gamble especially for a show that costs $54.95 in this economy.

You can see why I am becoming so disillusioned.

I’m sure it’s going to probably be a good show. Will it be worth $54.95? No way in hell. There was so much promise for things in the WWE after Summer Slam and into the months leading into The Survivor Series. But they never pulled the trigger on Nexus and now that group is dead in the water. Oh yeah I forgot Randy Orton vs. CM Punk would be a match at Wrestlemania. Too bad I don’t care about the build up for it. Though Punk continuing to call him Randal is very amusing. That should be a really good match that would be way better suited as a title match rather then a blow off to a horrible lower card feud.

Orton needs a change of venue as well. He is just so out of place on RAW. Plus next to John Cena he throws some of the worst punches in all of wrestling. Orton is one of the lucky ones though considering he was able to salvage his career after Triple H sabotaged it back in 2004. Hell being the conspiracy theorist that I am, part of me believes Triple H intentionally injured Randy Orton in that last man standing match when he chucked him over the top rope and right onto the floor. Randy is a survivor though which is good. Like I said, Punk/Orton should be a good match despite the dumb angle leading into it. It’s really amazing how bad Nexus is.

Speaking of Nexus, the latest edition to the group is Mason Ryan. Mason Ryan looks like the WWE’s version of the “I LIFT THINGS UP AND PUT THEM DOWN” body builder in these commercials for Planet Fitness here in the NYC area.

If you haven’t seen the commercial here’s a link to it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-cpojkILO0

Mason Ryan is another example of a guy they just threw out there for no reason. If we don’t have a reason to care don’t be so surprised when we don’t.

Well I found that funny and if you’ve ever heard him chime in during a backstage segment with his random Welsh sayings the only thing missing from them is him saying I LIFT THINGS UP AND PUT THEM DOWN. Funny thing is a guy like that still is the WWE’s vision of the perfect sports entertainer.

In closing the WWE signed Mexican Lucha Libre star Mistico. He will be now known as Sin Cara and I hope to God they put him on Smackdown. Putting him on RAW will do nothing for him. To be honest I have not really seen enough of his ring work to have a proper opinion on him, but he is apparently supposed to be everything Rey Mysterio used to be if not more. Rey’s body is breaking down at an alarming rate so the WWE was smart in getting someone who could essentially be the new Rey Mysterio. His only downside is he doesn’t speak English too well. He probably shouldn’t have to cut promos, but this is the WWE so we can expect him to be in wacky backstage skits as he “learns the style”.

If he goes to RAW I’m sure many on the Internet would have an orgasm at the prospect of a Daniel Bryan match with him. Lucky for us the WWE wants to crack the Latin market so I don’t think he’ll be made a joke. But this is the WWE and Mistico is smaller then Rey Mysterio back in the mid 90’s. So I’m sure there are people in “the office” saying he doesn’t have the right look. Mexican box office receipts disagree and hopefully they realize that. We shall see what happens in the coming weeks and months. I hope my cynicism is wrong and Sin Cara takes off like a rocket and carry’s Smackdown into the new decade.

On that note I am done for this week. I’m going to be honest here and just say I don’t know when my next column will be. I would like to do one in the week before Wrestlemania so I can have a nice mop up one for the week after. Perhaps my decision to retire will change, but at the moment I don’t think so. Until then though remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.

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Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is the all mighty Rant Of The Week. As always I am coming to you from the urban slum that is Brooklyn, New York and fall is finally upon us. It’s been rather windy and cool the last few days so it’s nice to have that crisp in the air. Over the last week TNA had Bound For Glory and the Impact with all the post PPV stuff. Yeah you can just imagine what I’m going to be saying about all of that so sit back and get ready because it will be some VINTAGE Phantom Lord fire & brimstone. But before I get to the bad, for my own sanity I will cover the good first. Despite what people might think I am not negative all the time. There’s actually stuff I enjoy.

First off Strikeforce had a really good main event last weekend with Nick Diaz defending the Strikeforce Welterweight title against K.J. Noons. The fight was a great stand up affair as Diaz and Noons just traded punches with each other. Noons it was just revealed had his jaw broken in the first round and his hand fractured in the second. The fight went the full five rounds and it is easily in the top five for 2010. Strikeforce though is TNA to the UFC’s WWE. They have all the talent and a great roster, but as usual the booking always seems to make things fall flat. Promotion also is pretty weak, as I honestly didn’t know there was a Strikeforce event on Showtime until a day or so before. But those things aside Diaz vs. Noons was a damn good fight.

According to MiddleEasy.com there was some good post fight drama as well involving Nick Diaz. If you remember a few months ago there was a HUGE brawl at the Strikeforce Nashville event when Miller got into the cage to trash talk Jake Shields. The Diaz brothers then went after him and all hell broke loose. MMA not understanding that non-MMA purists love scenes like this tried to keep Miller and Nick Diaz away from each other and apparently it didn’t work.

From what I was told, Mayhem was supposed to exit out of the post-fight press conference doors and take a right, while Nick Diaz was going to enter the room in the opposite direction. In short, both fighters would have never crossed paths if this initial plan actually worked, however things sort of ‘screwed up’. As Mayhem Miller was walking down the corridor, he abruptly turned around and walked the other way. As the two were approaching each other, things seemed to be somewhat civil. Out of nowhere, Nick Diaz launched a water bottle directly at Mayhem’s face — almost at point-blank range. It hit Mayhem directly in the face, water exploded everywhere and Miller looked stunned. Security got in-between the two and Nick Diaz held his arms up and said ‘Come on you fat [expletive]!’. He then tried shoving the security away to get close to Mayhem while screaming ‘Let’s do it right now!’. Nick Diaz managed to get within swinging distance, and then more security jumped in and held back Nick and finally got him to walk in the opposite direction, towards the post-fight press conference room. This altercation happened outside of the locker rooms. This is not a rumor, it’s 100% true.
Credit to www.middleeasy.com/

Man I really hope in the day and age with everyone and their mother having a camera phone there is video of this. If Strikeforce were smart they would sign Miller/Diaz all ready and promote the hell out of it. Build it up as the MMA equivalent of Haggler/Herns or something along those lines. Strikeforce doesn’t have many big money fights. They have one with it right here. They need to pull the trigger on it while the iron is still hot. I know it kills MMA purists when stuff like this happens. But these people need to realize that MMA is exactly what Boxing used to be. All the best Boxing matches were built on someone heeling it up and talking a lot of shit at a press conference coughALIcough. It’s a simple idea that works. You have a guy who the people want to see get beat. Of course if that guy is any good he won’t get beat and eventually you build up to a fight where maybe there is someone who can knock him out.

Since I am majoring in screen writing I understand basic plot points a lot better. All sports have them and Strikeforce if it wants to remain viable needs to exploit that in the future. When it comes to TNA, as a budding writer my head wants to explode. The plot points make no sense what so ever and some how this show. But I will get to that in a little bit and believe me there is a lot to get to.

Before I get to that I have to comment on how much I love John Cena having to go against everything he stands for and be subservient to Wade Barrett. Barrett is so great and to see Cena have to bow before him like Superman did to Zod is tremendous. Of course we all know how it’s going to eventually end when Cena gets that loophole so he can OVERCOME THE ODDS, but until then it’s going to be fun. Nexus has been booked pretty bad since Summerslam. But at least with this there is some hope that things will rebound. I really hope Barrett wins the WWE Championship and runs with it till Wrestlemania…that is if the WWE can overcome their A.D.D. when it comes to angles lasting more then a few weeks. Personally I wish the WWE would just go a bit further with Cena being subservient to Wade Barrett. For starters since he’s a member of Nexus he should dress as one. Barrett should force him to wear the shirt and get rid of that hideous purple shit he wears. I mean the kids will still wear it just because the kids will continue to support him no matter what. But it would be fun to see Cena stripped of his image. The heat Barrett would get probably would be mid 80’s Piper at MSG if done correctly.

Barrett as WWE Champion would be much better then Randy Orton right now. Randy Orton is great, but he is so out of his comfort zone right now as the WWE tries to make him the new Stone Cold. Okay sure Orton has the whole sociopath thing down pat. But there has just been something off with Orton the last few months since this new direction with him began. I don’t think it’s his fault. He’s on RAW so like most guys there he just goes through the motions because that’s all they want. It’s not like they have any competition so there’s no reason to go out all out. Well there’s Monday Night Football and some really good shows on against RAW, but in Vince’s mind while the WWE is apart of Americana…those are not competition. I know it’s crazy but you have to realize Vince is a wee bit out of touch with what’s hip. Yes he probably pays people a lot of money to tell him what’s hip, but as we know he doesn’t really listen to them and he ends up doing what ever he wants anyway. I can’t fault him for that though. If I had a company the size of the WWE I’d do what ever I wanted also. Luckily for us this stuff with Barrett is working right now so at least we can hope there will be a good Orton vs. Nexus feud where John Cena has to continue to serve the Nexus at every turn.

I read somewhere that the working idea for Cena and Barrett is supposed to be like the dynamic with Virgil and The Million Dollar Man. I am all for John Cena being a servant to Wade Barrett for the next five years or so.

Okay that will never happen, but one can dream.

Now what isn’t fun is watching TNA. TNA finally unleashed the latest in their continuing series of “EARTHSHAKING SURPRISES” as Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff turned heel along with Jeff Hardy as he won the TNA World Championship. In minor supporting roles of confusion where Abyss and Jeff Jarrett.

It wasn’t really a surprise since this was seen coming months ago. The moment TNA booked the venue in Daytona it was painfully clear what they were going to do. TNA is booked as a nostalgia company so why not go to the building where the n.w.o. Was formed and hope maybe some of that same magic is still floating around. Well that didn’t happen. What did happen was a very sad sight as Hulk Hogan limped and waddled his way down to the ring with a couple of security guards next to him to hold him up just incase gravity won it’s battle.

Hardy winning the TNA Title was lost in all of this as once again the main event was just the backdrop for the screw job of the moment.

I could have lived with TNA doing this, but on Impact they turned the stupidity up to eleven. First off they had to do a thirty-minute opening segment where Bischoff and Hogan explained in detail every small detail of how they stole TNA away from Dixie Carter. In the real world this would be the opening and closing arguments in the criminal case against them as they admitted to multi million-dollar fraud to get the controlling shares of TNA. Yes, Dixie is a moron because she didn’t read what was in front of her. But the fact still remains in the real world just because she was stupid enough to sign it does not mean it would still stand. But looking past that glaring error in logic and reason, this episode was something else. The show went damn near 76 minutes with out any wrestling what so ever. Yeah around the 45 minute mark there was a women’s match of sorts, but that was such an abortion it didn’t count at all (and I will get to that in a little bit).

This whole episode was like they took old WCW scripts and picked through them for the most insane stuff.

Somehow ratings wise it worked. TNA Impact drew a 1.41 rating (even though the ratings dropped like a rock later). The fact that TNA drew such a high rating for such a bad show means everyone in TNA thinks they have found a winning formula. So obviously this means more of this sort of stuff. This also means I won’t be watching TNA in the future if they keep doing this. I sound like a broken record at this point, but I guess I have to keep repeating myself when it comes to TNA. I remember ordering the early TNA ppv’s and they were everything the WWE wasn’t. Sure there was still plenty of the same kind of bullshit that WCW had but at least you were getting some damn good wrestling thrown in with it. Now it’s all bullshit…Nothing but BULLSHIT.

So we have this group Immortals which is headed by Hogan and Bischoff with Baby Hughie Abyss, Jeff “I know who signs my checks” Jarrett, and Jeff Hardy for the WTF factor. Jeff to his credit actually is pretty good as a heel. He was channeling some mid 90’s Raven during his promo when he said the fans were responsible for his pain. Jeff Hardy as a heel by himself with maybe a small stable of flunkies wouldn’t be so bad. But looking at this group, Jeff as the World Champion is FORTH behind Jarrett and Abyss.

ABYSS IS AHEAD OF THE FUCKING WORLD CHAMPION IN THE TOP STABLE IN THE COMPANY.

It gets better (if that’s even possible). After Hogan and Bischoff did their bit about how they run the company, out comes Fortune. Ric Flair and company get a huge pop from the crowd and they get our hopes up that maybe someone will stand up to Hogan.

Nope. Ric Flair bowed before Hogan and kissed his ring.

Ric Flair and Fortune are now the second string in Immortal. Basically the one group TNA somehow managed to work is now the N.W.O. B Team.

There was a lot more stuff on this episode of Impact but much like most of my childhood I am blocking it out for the benefit of my own sanity.

If you read the spoilers for the October 21st edition of Impact then you can only imagine what my reaction will be to that show. I won’t ruin it for the one or two of you who actually likes to be surprised. But lets just say the word DUMB and ASSESS will be used a lot that night.

Speaking of dumbass moves, TNA managed to destroy the once viable Knockouts division. Every now and then there is a glimmer of hope but in typical TNA fashion they just kill that hope. Ever since TNA ran the likes of Awesome Kong, ODB, and Alyssa Flash out of the company for various reasons the once mighty Knockouts division which was TNA’s only proven draw has become a shell of it’s former self.

I believe this chart of sorts was posted originally on Nodq.com and it explains my point better then I ever could.

Tara started off champion.
April 5, 2010: Angelina Love won the title in the Lockbox Challenge.
April 18, 2010: Madison won the title in a tag match by pinning Tara.
July 11, 2010: Angelina Love won the title by DQ.
July 13, 2010: Madison was awarded the title in a decision reversal.
August 9, 2010: Angelina pinned Madison to win the title.
October 10, 2010: Tara pinned Velvet Sky to win Angelina’s title.
October 11, 2010: Tara laid down and let Madison Rayne pin her to win the title.
In the past six months, there has been seven title changes, and the challenger pinned the reigning champion once in a competitive match.

That’s pretty damn amazing even for Russo booking. I really feel sorry for the women of the Knockouts division. They get paid next to nothing and the little television time they get is turned into a joke. I’ve always said the people who run TNA have women issues (ironic since the company is run in theory by a woman) and the way the Knockouts are treated proves it.

Last month there was this bit of news from an interview that Indy darling Sara Del Ray gave and this is what Sarah del Ray had to say about TNA in a recent interview

When asked whether she has had any contact with TNA about joining the Knockouts, she said: “Yeah, they’re not interested.” Later, speaking on whether she was ever told to be more ‘girly’, Del Rey said: “I’m feminine but I’m not super girly. I don’t want to be something I’m not and no one’s really told me that I have to be one way or another.”

She added: “TNA did tell me I need more of what The Beautiful People have and I kind of took that in the sense to be more feminine, but then I thought, ‘Oh, you already have a roster full of that.’
Source: www.divadirt.com

Yeah I can totally see why TNA wouldn’t want someone like her.

Dumbasses.

The Knockouts used to be everything the WWE divas weren’t. Now they might as well be clones of the division. Don’t get me wrong I love The Beautiful People. But centering the whole division around them as faces is just horrible. Evidence of this was the segments they had last week with J Woww of The Jersey Shore. In went over like the proverbial lead balloon. Add to that the fact TNA paid her $15 Thousand…yes THOUSAND (more then all the Knockouts combined make a month) for those segments and it just shows how stupid this company really is. Oh sure it might have gotten TNA some exposure (such as MTV saying she would be appearing with TNA Boxing), but over all it did not a damn thing for the product as a whole.

Plus that little show she’s on IS UP AGAINST IMPACT.

I feel sorry for Mickie James for signing with this company. Okay sure she doesn’t have to deal with Old Lady McCool anymore, but at least the WWE is somewhat competent when it comes to the women.

Don’t jump all over me. I didn’t say they were good, I just said they were somewhat.

The funny thing about Mickie James debut that should have honestly been much bigger then they handled it. In typical TNA fashion instead of hyping the hell out of it they just cut to the back and oh hey look it’s Mickie James. Mickie’s first TNA match was also squandered, as it wasn’t on a PPV or even on an Impact. It was just a random match on Xplosion. Mickie took on Sarita and that just proves my dumbass theory about TNA. I mean that right there is a match a lot of us would want to see. Instead it’s buried on a show THAT DOESN’T EVEN AIR IN THE UNITED STATES.

Oh there’s plenty of time for the mutual admiration society meetings with Hogan and Bischoff or Dixie Carter’s fine acting chops (SERGE…SERGE). But God forbid they give five minutes on Impact for a match that might actually draw in viewers.

I’ll probably continue to watch. I’m a glutton for punishment so I’ll just watch despite the fact I clearly know better. Besides ROH isn’t on regular cable television and there are no local wrestling companies here in New York City that are on television either. So on the off chance I want to see something interesting I’m stuck with TNA for the time being. Besides if they ever got their shit together and put on decent show I would probably have to officially retire writing columns. As long as TNA is the way it is then I’ll have a wealth of material for sometime to come.

On that note I am done for this week. Hopefully I will be back sooner rather then later with my next column. But school is getting pretty busy now and who knows if I’ll have the attention span for it. I will try to be back though as the WWE has another PPV most people won’t be ordering next weekend so depending on how that goes there could be interesting stuff to come out of it.

But until next time, remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.

You can click here to send me any and all feedback at phantomlordnyc@yahoo.com or leave me some feedback on my Facebook page under my given name http://www.facebook.com/josephrd

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Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain it is I, your personal Harvester of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is the Rant Of The Week. As always I am coming to you from my above ground bunker in the greatest city in the world, Brooklyn, New York. We dodged the bullet of Hurricane Earl last week as it was too far out to sea to do any damage. I was tempted to go out to Coney Island to get some pics, but all the fun surf was further out on this God forsaken Island of Long. Ah well some storm is bound to have a track that will give it a bee line right for the city and I’ll probably be dumb enough to stand outside during it like I do with driving blizzards to get some pics. But until then we have plenty of rasslin news to get to this week.

Yes I know I am a week late but congratulations go out to Kaval for winning NXT Season 2.

BROOKLYN REPRESENT

I have been a fan of Low Ki’s for years and to see him make it in the WWE after being squandered in TNA is a joy. It’s amazing to think that Daniel Bryan, Kaval, and CM Punk are all in the WWE and in theory will probably be carrying the company in the coming decade. Years ago people used to think “well if any of them go to the WWE, they’ll just get squandered as creative has nothing for them”. Well for the most part we were wrong. Kaval was one of the bright spots of NXT along with LayCool. Kaval is now on Smackdown so at least there’s hope of him having some damn good matches with the likes of Mysterio, Punk, and others.

Now on the flip side of Kaval’s win, I was shocked that Joe Hennig aka Michael McGillicutty did not win. Well he probably did have the competition won up until he opened his mouth. He has just about all the talent of his old man but good lord he cannot talk. See this is the reason why managers are desperately needed once again in wrestling. A manager was a miracle worker for guys who could not string together sentences with out sounding stupid. Now perhaps it could just be that he got a little tongue-tied trying to cut a scripted promo. It happens to the best of us when trying to remember something we had to memorize. But it could also be that Mike is not the talker that Curt was during the prime of his career. Things can change because if you see video of Curt at the start of his career, his promos were a little wooden to say the least. So with a few years of seasoning it’s possible and probable that Mike McGillicutty will be a very good promo guy if studies from the right people. But when it comes to NXT, it’s pretty clear he lost because he couldn’t cut a promo.

With the exception of Percy Watson, Kaval, and Alex Riley, none of the guys on this season really could cut promos. Husky Harris got a pass simply because he’s so sleazy and badass looking. Wrestling needs guys who look like that, but they need managers more then anything else. It drives me nuts when some people take the position that managers can’t draw in wrestling today. Well sure if you just have them stand around and not do much then sure they won’t draw. But if you find someone who really gets on people’s nerves and build it up over time where you want to see the good guy kick the shit out of them then that would be a draw.

I’ve been told that I would probably make a good wrestling manager. I really know how to get on peoples nerves and if you’ve been reading this column for a while now then you know I know how to do that. Only problem is there needs to be a fundamental change in the way wrestling is presented for managers to be viable again. Authority figures and General managers need to go. It was a good run when Mr. McMahon stumbled onto gold with his feud with Austin, but that ship has long sailed and the sooner everyone (the WWE & TNA) realize this the better. If you are lucky enough to have WWE 24/7 then you know what I am talking about. Up until say 1993 the manager carried the load for so many people on the mic. After 93 the manager became less and less visible until they finally just up and disappeared. Occasionally you would still have one like a James Mitchell in WCW/ECW and later in TNA. But for the most part the manager was reduced to a comedy act and it would disappear.

Well we have come to a time where managers are desperately needed once again. It’s a shame that Gary Hart has passed on to the great arena in the sky. Gary Hart forming a new stable of men to make the life of John Cena a living hell would be fun television. TNA sort of has a new stable with Fourtune but they haven’t pulled the trigger as usual. Ric Flair as the new JJ Dillon has infinite possibilities, but it’s TNA so of course they aren’t going full tilt with it.

I like to look back to my childhood when I think of managers. As I’ve mentioned so many times before, John Cena is this generations Hulk Hogan. Now no one can deny Hogan was the biggest draw in wrestling in the 80’s. But can you imagine how things would have been if Hogan didn’t have a never-ending feud with The Heenan Family? To a larger extent would Steve Austin and The Rock been the mega stars they are now if they didn’t have The Corporation and Vince McMahon to feud with? Yes Vince wasn’t a manager per se, but in 1999 he was the closest thing to one. I just can’t imagine things working the way they did back then if they were like they are now.

The WWE sort of has something going with Nexus, but we still have to find out whom the mastermind is. Someone put Nexus up to all of this and clearly is pulling the strings. There are plenty of great talents in that group. But they all could use a manager to do the talking for them. I go back to my original point about McGillicutty and the current crop of wrestlers in the WWE. There are so many guys that have the look and probably the talent but once they start talking they get very boring very quickly. I could be wrong, but odds are I won’t be. The worst part about all of this is you just know some of these guys will be released because “creative had nothing for them”.

Speaking of creative having nothing, NXT Season 3 has started and my God what a glorious train wreck it is. Season 3 of NXT is all Divas and after one episode I am glad my DVR for some mysterious reason is recording the show again. I know I didn’t set it to record. I was happy with taping Covert Affairs in that slot. Apparently in a month NXT will go exclusively on WWE.com since I don’t think there’s a chance any other NBC owned cable network would take the show. It’s probably for the best since Sons Of Anarchy is back on. NXT draws TNA-esq numbers so it’s no real loss if it’s on television or on WWE.com. After one episode it’s clear it will be a horse race between AJ Lee and Naomi. A close third in my view is Maxine. My favorite paring on the show is Goldust and Aksana. I love anything Goldust does and Aksana is perfect for him. If only Goldust were on Smackdown then we would all be happy. Aksana is basically doing Vladimir Kozlov’s original gimmick and I like her all ready. She said Double Double E and she wants to entertainment everyone. She’s going to be my sleeper pick. It’s just a shame Maryse is not on this show. Aksana and Maryse yelling at each other in their respective languages would make for some fun television.

Aside from that this show is going to be horrible. I mean with the exception of AJ Lee, everyone on this show is a model. The WWE trains them just enough so that they don’t kill themselves or the person they are facing in the ring. The Johnny Ace method of skimming through the Victoria Secret catalog has picked some gems for us in the past. But for every Trish Stratus, Maryse, and even Candice Michelle there are Ashley’s, Joy’s, and others whose names I am blanking on right now. Kelly Kelly has come a long way since being that chick that stripped on ECW a few years ago. So I guess there is her to along with Alicia Fox (I believe her and Kelly were both in the same aforementioned Victoria Secret catalog). But aside from them the rest have been duds. I like The Bella Twins though so they get a pass from me.

Some people complain that oh well the WWE should scour the Indies and get some real female wrestlers. I’m going to stop you right there because the WWE has not now nor will they ever give a shit about who is a good female wrestler. Even in these PG times where the women aren’t being paraded around in thongs, that wrestling stuff is not a high priority. If they can find someone like The Undertaker’s Old Lady and Layla who can adapt and actually become somewhat decent in the ring then it’s win for them. Sure it would be nice for us the viewing public if a women’s match didn’t have so many botches, but you have to realize at the most the Women might get five minutes on television and they aren’t being used just because they have a good workrate. It would be nice if that weren’t the case, but unless say a new Wendi Richter comes along for a Cyndi Lauper for this generation that won’t change.

I had a horrible thought about Lady Gaga getting involved in an angle. Thought it would be an amusing thought of the pitch for that one.

: I AM DIGGING THIS BAD ROMANCE SONG. LIVING IN A BAD ROMANCE, I’M LIVING IN A BAD ROMANCE. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S A BAD ROMANCE DAMN IT.

I probably just scared the hell out of a lot of you. I am sorry about that.

Moving along to other news of interest, wasn’t that a great Impact last week. Oh that’s right it wasn’t on last week. Spike felt that a Gangland marathon was a better idea to air then their highest rated non-UFC show. Truth was Impact would have been up against Thursday Night Football with The Saints vs. The Vikings and it would have been SLAUGHTERED against it. The NFL had it’s highest rated season premier game in history so I’m guessing TNA and the people at Spike finally made a smart decision and decided to take the night off.

What they should have done was aired Impact on Saturday night or something. How the hell can you do a PPV the week before (which btw I wasn’t aware there was a PPV until I had seen the previous weeks Impact) and then not air a show at all following it for a week and a half?

This is why TNA is doomed to fail. If this were UFC do you think Dana White would allow for this kind of non-sense to go on? Well I’ve read the spoilers for the next three weeks and I have to just shake my head as usual. TNA is building up to some sort of Live Impact on October 7th that will be the lead in for the Bound For Glory PPV on October 10th. For those of you who don’t wish to be spoiled, I won’t say anything. But you can just imagine it’s more of the same from TNA.

The other night on Twitter in a sign of how things might really be in TNA, Kevin Nash went on a drunken Twitter spree talking about how he’s leaving when his contract is up on October 12th. Basically TNA owes him money for a certain amount of shows and as usual TNA is trying to screw someone out of money that is owed. This is a pattern when it comes to TNA. They’ll burn through peoples contracted dates and we’ll get something like the RVD deal where he was “poked full of holes” by Abyss. I never understood the whole dates thing. If you sign someone for a year then that’s what it should be for. If some how you manage to burn through the dates and the guy is say your world champion then suck it up and cough up the extra cash. A clueless idiot in Bob Carter funds TNA. He seems to buy anything his equally clueless daughter tells him and the stockholders of Panda Energy. I’m sure if they worded it right and said they needed some extra cash to keep the World Champion around till a certain time he would okay it no problem. God knows they have given far more money to others to do less.

Speaking of money, it’s painfully clear that Hulk Hogan is hard up for it. Now I know I said I wouldn’t spoil on the Impacts but this one needs mentioning. At Bound For Glory it will be announced in a couple of weeks that Sting, Kevin Nash, & The Pope will take on Samoa Joe, Jeff Jarrett, and Hulk Hogan at Bound For Glory. I won’t explain why The Pope is in this match (mostly cause it makes no sense, but this is TNA). Kevin Nash and Sting are two of my favorite wrestlers of all time. I still love anything they do. But this whole angle they have been part of with Jarrett and “TNA Management” makes no friggin sense what so ever.

It’s so hilarious when Jarrett and Hogan call out Sting and Nash about not wanting to give up the spotlight.

Pot & Kettle meet Mr. Black.

First off if Jarrett had any power he would be TNA Champion right now. Secondly if Hogan had any mobility he would have beaten Jarrett for the title by now. So the basis of this whole angle makes no sense what so ever. It is good though that the fans are solidly behind Nash and Sting, which says a lot about who are the faces in TNA.

Now we have Hulk Hogan who just got out of the hospital for more back problems. He posted some videos on his twitter where he was pretty damn doped up on morphine for those back problems. Hogan apparently can’t even bend over with out flaring up his back and he’s going to wrestle? Now granted with a six man tag means he doesn’t have to do much. God bless Andre The Giant because if you ever saw a match of his in the last couple years of his life in Japan they were mostly six man’s where he only really got involved at the end. His back and whole body was beyond FUBAR but the money was still good for him and he suffered through it. I don’t see why Hogan is doing that because it can’t possibly be worth the money.

I mean it’s TNA so how much money could he be making? If he were doing this in Japan I can understand because he’s still probably a draw over there, but here not so much. If it were me I wouldn’t even bother with it. It’s not worth being in a wheel chair in your later years. But since this PPV is in Daytona in the same exact building where the N.W.O. formed you better believe there is a swerve coming. Odds are Hogan will turn heel and join “The Band”. Nash says he’s leaving a couple days later so I’m guessing what ever will happen will involve Hogan, Sting, and Samoa Joe. What that will be…well your guess is as good as mine. Who the hell knows where any of this is going. All I do know is Hogan has no business being anywhere near a ring and if his back is truly as messed up is it’s reported to be there’s a good chance Hogan will be leaving the building on a stretcher.

Knowing TNA they will have something “happen” to Hulk during the PPV so he can’t make the match.

Of course this could all be a ploy by Hulk Hogan to get himself the role in the eventual direct to dvd cheap sequel of The Wrestler. Hogan said he was offered the role of Randy The Ram so maybe he’s doing a long audition. Couldn’t be any worse then any of Kurt Angle’s recent movies.

On a lighter note, the latest attempt at WWE Studio’s to make John Cena an “actor” fell flat as Legendary grossed a little under $140k on 175 screens. Of course I am sure the WWE will pull a very obscure movie ranking out come this Monday to say how the movie was number 1 at the box office. Truth is limited release is code for “it’s not going to make money this way”. Sometimes a limited release works in favor for a movie, but not this one. I think the main problem with the movie is no one can buy John Cena as a wrestler. No not a Pro Wrestler but a real Greco Roman wrestler. I’m sure the movie will do well enough with on demand PPV and DVD rentals, but the WWE has to be kidding it self if they think they can put out drama’s.

The WWE probably can do buddy comedies with no problem what so ever. But they should steer far away from dramas. Randy Orton is supposed to be in some sort of drama at some point. Edge has one coming out next year as well. Hopefully this little WWE Studio’s experiment fades away much like the first go round with McMahon and Hogan did in the early 90’s.

You know I’m surprised they haven’t remade No Holds Barred yet. That movie just screams John Cena.

Speaking of drama, it appears there might be some with Matt Hardy brewing as he was apparently sent home from the European tour. The reports have it as the WWE being concerned about his condition. What that condition is I don’t know. He’s been posting some erratic messages on his twitter account. But as we know wrestlers just love to have fun with everyone so they could all just be an elaborate work for the amusement of himself and some others. The last one he posted was him letting everyone know he was uploading a video that he just recorded in England. Perhaps Matt is trying just a little too hard to get wished well in his future endeavors. There are easier ways to get fired if one wants to do that.

In a tweet about a week or so ago he posted a comment to Shane Helms about how he has 13 months left on his current deal with the WWE. It’s a pretty safe bet that the only reason Matt Hardy is still in the WWE is because the WWE clearly fears an OMEGA reunion. I mean if he went to TNA in the future it wouldn’t matter much.

Seriously though he has overcome a lot in the last year with his body. He has a really nasty torn abdominal muscle that caused a problem with his intestines that almost killed him. Some say that’s the problem with wrestlers who would rather tough it out then get something treated before it becomes a major problem. Matt gets a lot of grief from people but he’s by far still one of the most over guys on Smackdown and it’s the WWE’s own fault if he’s so pissed that he’s thinking of ways to get himself fired. I hope that’s not the case. I mean it’s so much easier to just sit around and wait for creative to tell you they have nothing for you.

Before I go I want to send out my thoughts and prayers to the family and friends of Mike Shaw who passed away at the age of 53 over the weekend. Shaw was best known to my generation as Norman The Lunatic in WCW and Bastion Booger in the WWF in the early 90’s. He made his real mark in wrestling up in Calgary in Stampede Wrestling as Makhan Singh where he had a long running feud with Owen Hart. Honestly as a kid, Bastion Booger grossed me out. He was so disgusting to look at especially when he would eat in mid match. One infamous match I remember was him on Team Bam Bam vs. The Doink’s at Survivor Series 93. He and The Wild Samoan’s were eating a whole turkey and it was just a mess. But God bless him because he made the most of it. Well I hope he is at peace now. When someone passes away that’s all you can really ask.

So on that note I am done for this week. Hopefully I’ll be back soon but who knows how my writing mood will be with school. But until next time, remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.

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Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is The Rant Of The Week. There’s a lot of stuff going on in the world of wrestling so you can imagine I will have plenty to say. First summer is officially here and the Big Apple is the Baked Apple right now. Summer is here and good lord is it hot.

First off congratulations are in order to Brock Lesnar as he defeated Shane Carwin by submission (yes you read that right) to become the UNDISPUTED UFC Heavyweight Champion of the world. It was a hell of a fight as Carwin beat the living shit out of Brock in the first round, but since Shane hasn’t gone past the first round in any fight Brock may have gambled with the biggest game of rope a dope ever. Shane was clearly gassed and Brock got a take down and eventually he locked in an arm choke. Shane Carwin tapped just as his head started going from red to purple.

For a minute, Dana White probably was biting his nails as Brock was getting the bejesus beaten out of him. Brock is the UFC’s golden boy and for a couple of minutes in round one it looked like karma was coming back to Dana for mocking Strikeforce after Fedor’s loss last week. But all is well in the UFC as Brock is back. He recovered from an illness that almost killed him and he reclaimed his throne. See now that is what we call compelling television. I guarantee Vince McMahon was probably watching the PPV or has by this point because he knows even though he claims there is no competition (ITS TWO DIFFERENT THINGS DAMN IT), UFC is the reason all the adult male fans are leaving wrestling in droves. Well that and booking things for kids and watering everything down to the point where even the most die hard of fans says this is stupid.

But Vince will never buy that. The people that kiss his ass under him will continue to say “Oh well its two different audiences…no need to worry about those 1 Million buys boss”. It’s amazing how even a bad throw away UFC PPV out does most WWE PPV’s by a wide margin. The WWE’s solution to everything being bland is MORE GIMMICKS. Another cookie cutter PPV is coming up this time in the form of Money In The Bank. I guess the train wreck spot at Wrestlemania is now gone for the guys who would otherwise never get on the PPV because the WWE has decided to do a PPV with not one but TWO in the same night.

Does the word burnout not even mean anything to these people? A match that was actually interesting and worth the wait till Wrestlemania now will happen twice in one night. It’s no wonder no one actually orders PPV’s anymore. They keep jacking up the price but not the effort in making one want to actually pay to see it.

Paul Heyman gave a pretty good interview to Fight Magazine after the Lesnar/Carwin fight where he noted that Pro Wrestling fans are now UFC fans.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDOcy7GlhYQ

UFC is the WWE and Strikeforce is TNA. UFC is the multi million-dollar giant and Strikeforce is the well-funded yet seemingly inept competition. UFC has the dominant place in the market and Strikeforce is doing everything they can to get a foot in the door. He said in another interview with www.mmafighting.com that UFC did more PPV buys domestically then all of Professional Wrestling did world wide. It’s not hard to understand why. But I am sure there are people all over the wrestling industry who still don’t get it and it’s only a passing fad. I know Ric Flair said as much in an interview from a couple of weeks ago. Then again Flair probably only said that because some guys in the UFC make a fight what he used to in a year. With three divorces and alimony’s to pay, he is a tad bitter.

Speaking of Paul Heyman, right now TNA is betting everything on an ECW invasion angle in the hopes that Paul Heyman will come to TNA and save them from the fate of WCW before them.

TNA officials have gotten more aggressive over the past week or two when it comes to signing Paul Heyman. As noted before, Heyman has been offered the head of TNA creative job but Heyman wants a role where he’s the guy running everything, something similar to Dana White in UFC. It was also noted that he sees the creative side of things as a problem but not the biggest problem.
Credit: F4WOnline.com

If Paul wants the keys to the TNA kingdom then HAND THEM TO HIM. Paul should make it Iron Clad where no one can under cut you or sabotage his work. But as bad as TNA’s creative team is, it’s not the biggest problem there is. The biggest problem TNA has is no one knows whom the f*** they are. TNA has some of the worst promotion, which is amazing considering they have a great TV Pitchman in Don West on the payroll. How many people bought Mark McGwire rookie cards because of him? Are you telling me he can’t be on television at least shilling matches and up coming events?

TNA relies heavily on the Internet, which is nice, but the Internet only goes so far and I’m pretty sure this is what is meant by “not the biggest problem” or at least one of them. TNA does these great Before The Bell specials sort of like UFC’s Countdown To shows but unlike the UFC ones, Before The Bell ends up on Youtube and not on Spike where it should be.

Before a PPV why isn’t there at least a special on Spike to entice people to order the show? Well I know one reason why. It’s because TNA thinks TV Ratings are more important then PPV buys. See it’s that kind of thinking that if Paul Heyman does sign with TNA needs to be the first thing to go.

I could list a whole bunch of things wrong with TNA just from a production standpoint. I am sure Paul has these very things down on a list and if he does sign they will be first things addressed. Anyway you look at it, Paul knows rebuilding TNA from the inside out won’t be an overnight thing. If he were to take on such a thing, he has made it clear it has to be worth the sacrifice to his family. It could possibly be a five-year project to turn TNA in a company that is worth a damn…much less one that is making money and lots of it.

On Friday night TNA held a show here in Brooklyn at MCU Park where the Brooklyn Cyclones play and they drew their biggest North American paid attendance with between 5,500 and 6,000 fans. I was in attendance and I have to say the difference between the television shows and these house shows is astounding.

I have said a lot of horrible things about Jeff Jarrett over the years and I think I would like to take some of them back right now. Jarrett books the house shows and from top to bottom it was pretty damn good. No bullshit angles, no nonsense, and no nothing usually associated with TNA. It was a good old fashion professional wrestling card top to bottom. It’s such a novel concept to do pro wrestling that it could just work for them if they tried it.

Despite what you might think given my generally negative attitude towards TNA, I want to see them succeed. Obviously there are 6,000 other people here in the New York City area that wants to see them succeed as well.

Just a sample of the pics from the show that I personally took with my vastly outdated Nikon Coolpix 885. I pushed the limits of the ZOOM to its breaking point. If you are inclined to, on Facebook I have more photos from the show.

But look at that crowd. There is a fan base and it is willing to continue to support TNA. Now I don’t know if Paul Heyman will be the Messiah some make him out to be. Does he have the Midas touch to turn everything into Gold? I don’t know. But one thing is for sure here. What TNA is doing right now is not working. What TNA has been doing for the last eight damn years has not worked and it will continue not to work. TNA has the wrestlers with the talent to pull things off. TNA is like a gigantic ship that is loaded to the gills right now. But it has no one at the wheel and its just going in circles over and over and over. People in TNA who probably read this column know that is a fact.

Ah well we shall see what happens. There is a rumor floating around that Hulk Hogan is pushing for Abyss to win the TNA title at Victory Road so he can face him for it at Bound For Glory.

I don’t want to get all conspiratorial here; but the show was rumored to be in Charlotte and built around Flair suddenly gets moved to Tampa and Hogan is pushing for a title shot.

Well I’d probably order the PPV just to see it. There would be a lot of betting pools on how many bumps Hogan takes before his back finally breaks into a million pieces. Hogan doing a thumbtack bump is an amusing thought. Who would have ever guessed when Hogan was bullshitting about being up for the role of Randy The Ram that it would actually come true? Hogan’s back is seriously messed up and he has to be INSANE to think this would possibly work. Well we know he’s all ready insane, but there’s different levels of insanity and he’s going off the deep end if he thinks this is a good idea assuming the rumor is true.

But then again it wouldn’t surprise me if it were. I mean you really didn’t think Hogan was putting over Abyss with out thinking of himself in the long run did you? Hulk Hogan only puts someone over so long as it makes him look better in the long run. We shall see what happens. I really hope TNA doesn’t do something that stupid but knowing them will.

That would be a fun question to ask Paul Heyman. Say he does get an offer he cant refuse from TNA and he comes in just as Hogan is crowned champion. How in the hell does he fix that kind of mess?

In case you haven’t noticed, TNA has been using the likes of Tommy Dreamer, Raven, and Stevie Richards as part of some sort of angle where they just show up in the crowd and watch a match and then disappear. Apparently a few months ago TNA had some sort of focus group do market research and the one thing that came back in unison was people liked ECW.

Well no shit. Everyone loved ECW. But its 2010 and while we still love Tommy Dreamer, Raven, Stevie, and the others…I don’t want to see a rehash of a rehash of a rehashed angle.

See what people liked was the ECW show it self. Lots of wrestling and minimal bullshit. Anything that happened of importance happened inside the ring and not in some pre-taped sketch in the back. Hell I would take Mid 80’s Memphis Wrestling over ECW. It’s not that hard to figure out what works and what does not. It’s all about the build to the big match. You have to get us emotionally invested into wanting to see say Jay Lethal overcome weeks and weeks of punishment to get the big win and revenge over Fortune.

TNA would end up doing something that could last weeks in one or two shows and that is the problem.

ECW was old school in the sense it was all about the build to the big ECW Arena show. Sure there was more violence but there was plenty of old school stuff to tug on the old heartstrings. That is what TNA needs to do in a nutshell.

Abyss keeps referring to “THEY”. Well I hope “they” turn out to be the ECW guys and “they” end up beating the crap out of him. Abyss would have never been worth a damn in the real ECW. What he needs to do is just go to Japan or CZW all ready and win some deathmatch stuff. I’d rather see a Youtube clip of Abyss taking a swan dive into a pile of light tubes in some parking lot then it happening on Impact.

Moving along to the more ridiculous stuff in the news, this one really made me laugh when I read it. Read it yourselves and I’m sure you’ll have the same reaction.

The Wrestling Observer is reporting that Vince McMahon has banned the “knife edge” chop from use in WWE matches. The chop, which was made famous by Ric Flair, generally gets a “woo” reaction from the crowd after it’s used by a wrestler, and Vince does not want the crowd woo’ing as it of course reminds them of Flair, who works for TNA right now. It should be noted that straight down chops like the ones used by The Great Khali and Big Show are still being allowed as they don’t draw a “woo” reaction from the fans.

Vince McMahon might be the best promoter in all of wrestling, but he really is a schmuck sometimes and this is one of those times. What is next? Do you ban punches because it might remind someone of Hogan or someone else who’s on the McMahon shitlist? Though apparently this rule has been in place for a while now but only Flair and Shawn Michaels were allowed to do them.

There is a solution though for this. I suggest everyone who is reading this column who is going to some sort of WWE event in the future, anytime Show or anyone else does an open hand slap you have to do a WOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Hell you should just do it at random times to really drive them nuts. It’s always fun to screw with the audio and make them dump out entire sections of the crowd if they aren’t reacting the way they want to.

The Nexus Angle continues to be the best thing the WWE has going right now even though it almost got cut off at the knees last week when Wade Barrett had a visa issue to be worked out. The Nexus rookies ended up beating up Arn Anderson, Dean Malenko, Jerry Lawler, Michael Hayes, Mike Rotunda, and Ricky Steamboat in an awesome angle. Steamboat is in the hospital for real due to a broken blood vessel in his brain (not an aneurism as initially feared).

Right now they are playing it as the heels of RAW are ganging up on the good guys who are trying to take out the Nexus. Arn Anderson did a rambling but still damn good promo on RAW last night where he told Sheamus that he’s basically gonna get his ass kicked by them in the end. I know people complain about old guys who hang around way past their prime (cough Hogan cough) but you know what, I wanted to see The Nexus take on some of the Legends in a street fight. During RAW last week when all the legends formed a circle and rolled up their sleeves you knew that it was going down. Who wouldn’t love to see Arn get some revenge with a tire iron along with Barry, Mike, Sgt Slaughter, and other old timers? Dust off Tony Garera and whatever corner he’s been hiding in and have him be part of it. A good old fashion eight-man tag would be awesome.

See now I would want to see the legends come out of retirement for a shot at revenge at the young punks. Nexus in a no holds barred fight against the legends would do way more for the angle then lame talking segments.

The WWE got lucky at the end of RAW when John Cena beat the living shit out of Black Cena Darren Young. That was the first time in years that John Cena didn’t look lame to all the men in the crowd. Usually I laugh at Cena when he’s doing his “I’m quiet so it means I’m serious” then “GRRRRR I’M ANGRY” schitck, but last night it worked big time. I am looking forward to see what happened next as Cena will be in a Overcoming The Odds 7 (well I guess 6 now) on 1 match next week. There really is so much that still can be done with this but I fear they are barely scratching the surface on purpose. I say go all out and bring back the unpredictability factor to RAW. That was the one good thing about the Attitude era. You didn’t know what would happen next. At any given moment all hell could break loose. The Nexus angle is bringing that back. Someone being left in a pool of blood couldn’t hurt either.

There is just one small thing that I don’t like about The Nexus. Can we please have them wear some clothes? They aren’t wrestling so why are they in their full gear? Have them all dress up in matches black jeans and shirts with giant N’s on them. It just looks weird when these guys who up all dressed to wrestle even though we know they aren’t going to. Just put some damn pants on them…please.

Other then that the only thing of interest over the last few days was last week The Undertaker made it official with his Old Lady Michelle McCool. She officially became the new Mrs. Undertaker and we can all expect her to run the WWE Women’s division with an iron fist as long as she is. We used to joke that Triple H and Stephanie’s daughter Aurora would someday break Moolah’s record as longest reigning Women’s Champion. Well it looks like she has some competition now. Though with RAW having a Divas title and Smackdown having a Women’s championship in theory both of them could have record breaking runs.

I can’t hate on McCool though. Right now the FLAWLESS LayCool team is tremendous on Smackdown. People hate Layla but she really has improved so much since just being a diva search winner. I look forward to the day when they break up because McCool wants her belt back. That will be a fun feud even though we know who will win in the end.

On that note I am done for this week. It’s way too hot here to continue. I mean I could, but right now I think I’ve covered all the bases for this week. It will be interesting to see how many buys Lesnar’s fight did and how many combined WWE PPV numbers it equals.

Well until next time keep cool and remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.

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Source: Wrestling Observer Newsletter

- TNA has currently sold around 2,600 tickets for Sunday’s Lockdown pay-per-view. They are hoping for 4,000 in the arena for the night of the show.

- No word yet when the turn will happen, but current plans call for Abyss to turn heel on Hulk Hogan in the future.

- Vince Russo will be moving from Colorado to Nashville soon and has made rumblings about accepting another job in TNA away from writing for creative. As noted before, Russo has been saying he’s burnt out on writing as of late

- Former WWE Diva Kristall Marshall wrote on Twitter last week that she and Bobby Lashley have split up. She wrote: “Hello everyone Bobby (Lashley) and I have split, but remain great friends. He is a constant in our son’s life and a tremendous father.”

- TNA has announced that Jeff Hardy will be appearing at the Lockdown Fan Interaction event this Saturday. Names scheduled to appear include Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Sting, Bobby Heenan, Jimmy Hart, Dory Funk Jr., Baron Von Raschke, Kurt Angle, The Band, Beer Money, Mr. Anderson, The Pope, The Beautiful People, Desmond Wolfe, Chelsea, Kaz, Rob Terry, Amazing Red, Orlando Jordan, Earl Hebner, Angelina Love, AJ Styles, Rob Van Dam, Team 3D, Eric Bischoff, Abyss, Jeff Jarrett, Tara, Mike Tenay, Taz, Eric Young, Doug Williams, Jesse Neal, Hector Guerrero, Willie Urbina, Slick Johnson, David Penzer, SoCal Val, Jeremy Borash, Christy Hemme and Jeff Hardy.

Greetings conversationalists across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow…the one and only Phantom Lord and this is your ever important The Rant Of The Week. As always I am coming to you from my above ground command center in the water logged capital of the world Brooklyn, New York. I like rain as much as the next person. In fact one can say I’m only happy when it rains, but good God was there a lot of rain last week. I’m amazed our sewer system which was I’m sure a model of perfect in the 1870’s was able to handle all the run off water. Of course area’s in New Jersey, upstate New York, and all points east were not as fortunate.

Wrestlemania has come and gone and for the most part I enjoyed the show. It wasn’t the greatest Wrestlemania of all time, but it certainly wasn’t the worst either. The one match I was looking forward to seeing was Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon and aside from The Hart Family as lumberjacks it went exactly how I figured it would. Some people are complaining about the match being horrible. Well to a point it was, but I was never expecting anything huge. I knew going into the match it was going to be Bret beating the living fuck out of Vince McMahon and that’s exactly what he did. Bret gave Vince a beating like he owed him money and it was awesome. Sure it might have gone on a few minutes longer then it should have, but in the end I saw what I wanted to see.

Even though the WWE hates the word wrestling and goes out of their way to never use the word; that right there is what Wrestling is all about. The good guy gets his revenge on the bad guy. Vince was a great chicken shit bad guy for so long and all the years of Vince being Mr. McMahon came to a head and Bret got him back for everything he has ever done. You can’t write a better story then that. It’s the simplest of wrestling stories and it has never failed. Okay granted this story could have been better, but you have to realize Vince was phoning this one in. He had no real reason to go all out and be Mr. McMahon and I know Bret said in any interview the only reason he came back was because he was getting bored with retirement.

Could the lead up to the match been better? Absolutely it could have been. But was the pay off worth all of it? Yes it was.

The character was spawned back in 1997 following the infamous Montreal Screwjob. McMahon’s on-air character turned heel for the first time and it became the antagonist to the company’s top star “Stone Cold” Steve Austin in arguably the best run in the history of the company.

McMahon is a firm believer in pushing younger acts and is not blind to the fact that he’s in his 60′s and the character more than ran its course.
Credit to the Wrestling Observer/www.f4wonline.com

If it was the end of Mr. McMahon it was a great way to go out. It’s like I said it was the perfect good guy gets revenge on the bad guy story.

The rest of Wrestlemania was good for the most part. Undertaker/Michaels was a damn good match and it was great that they got the main event of the show. I honestly thought Shawn Michaels was going to some how win only for The Undertaker to do some sort of insane mystical stunt where there was a huge flash of light and they both disappeared. The send of Michaels got on RAW was pretty good, but we all know he’ll be back in six months or so when someone lures him back to fight.

Jericho and Edge had a pretty damn good match as well and I was shocked and delighted when Chris Jericho won. I have always liked Edge, but Edge being a good guy just doesn’t work. Edge is supposed to be this sleazy scumbag who stole his best friends girl and does what it takes to win. But I guess you can’t be Rated R in a PG world. I’m glad Edge is back in top form, but the whole SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR thing might be the most annoying WWE catchphrase since WWE Universe. If Edge did a halfway decent spear it wouldn’t be so bad. Edge’s spear is a running hug. Personally I wish he would bring back the Edgeocution submission. That inverted sharpshooter he used to do was a pretty sick finisher and it fit him so well. The running hug not so much.

The best match of the night surprisingly was Batista vs. John Cena. Batista was in all of his Kanye West-esq glory (who ever had the Batista likes Fishsticks sign was a genius). I was amazed at how well this match came off. Batista really had his working shoes on and he probably had his best match yet since becoming a huge asshole heel. Cena was Cena. He over came the odds so what else can be said. I was really pulling for Batista to win and I thought he did after he caught Cena in mid air with the spine buster and then did the Batista Bomb. But as I said, Cena over came the odds and did his Superman recovery and put on the worlds worst STF for the win.

One thing I noticed was when Batista and Mr. McMahon tapped out, they did it in weakest of ways. For Batista it worked because he was like “I can’t believe I got caught in this and can’t get out”. But over all I’ve noticed when guys are tapping out now they lightly tap the mat. Call me old fashion, but if you are in so much pain to the point where you have no choice but to submit you should be frantically tapping while screaming YES YES YES I QUIT I SUBMITT. It would do so much more to build a submission a devastating finisher then lightly tapping on the mat and looking like your inconvenienced at that moment.

Overall I enjoyed Wrestlemania. I just wish it didn’t cost an arm and a leg to order. I feel sorry for anyone who ordered in HD. With cable bills being high as it is, $64.95 must be a real shocker.

Moving along to the flip side of wrestling, with the good comes the bad and TNA got absolutely TROUNCED last week against RAW. I don’t know who thought a taped episode would do well the night after Wrestlemania, but add them to a long list of people who should be fired in TNA. The funny thing is, the show it self isn’t too bad. Compared to RAW, Impact is actually pretty good. Yeah they are ripping off shit from late 90’s WCW. But compared to how boring and predictable RAW can be it’s a lot more interesting and entertaining.

The only problem is and the ratings reflect this is no one knows who the hell TNA is and when it is on. Yes there are plenty of problems with the booking. But considering all the problems TNA has, guys in power booking their friends and cronies over others more deserving is the least of their problems. TNA has no name brand or exposure what so ever to work with. Sure it’s funny to see a commercial for Impact during Smackdown, but local commercials only get you so far. I’ve said for the longest time TNA thinks they are way bigger then they actually are. It’s basically a massive inferiority complex. TNA doesn’t try to put on the best show possible or become a viable alternative. Their whole reason for being is simply to hope Vince McMahon acknowledges them in some way. Vince as we know could give two shits about TNA or any other company.

“We’re in different businesses,” says McMahon. “We’re in the entertainment business and they’re in the ‘pro wrasslin’ business. It’s different markets. When they moved to Monday nights they threw the kitchen sink at us and only did a fraction of our audience. It doesn’t speak well for the type of product they’re trying to present with the tawdry, blood-soaked action. I don’t think that’s what the culture wants these days.”
Credit to Acorn Online

Well aside from Vince being delusional about the importance of the WWE being part of the American fabric, he did bring up a good point. They tried everything and didn’t even make a dent. But it has nothing to do with the product that TNA is offering. On the contrary there is a huge market for tawdry blood soaked action. The problem is TNA is doing nothing to get it. They are just pissing money away hoping that magically people will watch Impact over RAW. Judging by the 0.6 from last week that isn’t happening. TNA and the people at Spike TV do have some sense are Impact is starting at 8PM this Monday. Of course it only took them a little thing called the NCAA Men’s Basketball Finals for them to do this. Oddly enough if Shawn Michaels farewell was responsible for the rating last week in their diluted minds, then I can’t wait for the excuse this week with Impact going up against the game. Boy I can’t wait for Football season to start and to see if the Impact experiment even lasts that long.

I think we can all agree TNA should have kept the damn show on Thursday’s. Go live every Thursday and hope for the best. Ratings actually were slowly but steadily going up on Thursday’s. But alas they got cocky and greedy and we are where we are.

TNA’s booking is a thing of madness sometimes and evidence of that is the fact that they just let one of the most talented wrestlers in the world walk in Christopher Daniels. Daniels was a guy who helped build TNA and what did he get for his troubles? He got released because some people in the company didn’t see him as a star. These are the same people who think Orlando Gaga will be a ratings draw (and I’ll get to that in a little bit). But as I used to say, WWE’s loss is TNA’s gain…well now it’s TNA’s loss is ROH’s gain. Christopher Daniels went back to his other old stomping grounds in Ring Of Honor this past Saturday and all ready he’s positioned himself into a big feud with Davey Richards. Now truthfully I don’t follow Ring Of Honor as much as I should. Mainly it’s because I don’t have an HD television so I can’t get HD Channels and HD Net. But it’s pretty damn clear that after one surprise return in ROH was pulled off better then anything TNA has done in ages.

ROH really is the last bastion of hope for Wrestling in this country. I really wish they had a deal like the old ECW show’s where they would be on at night on MSG and other regional sports channels. It would be so easier for those us stuck in the 20th century to catch up on stuff. I think TNA should have followed ROH’s model for the longest time but TNA as we know thinks they are something big. I will hand it to ROH though. At least when they experiment with something and it goes wrong, instead of being stubborn and continuing to do it they see the problem and fix it. Such a novel concept that I really wish TNA would follow once in a while.

TNA was a bit smart this week though when they started the show at 8 PM and it paid off somewhat as the rating eked it’s way back up to 0.9. Of course this weeks Impact might have been one of the most maddening in recent memory. They had this Lock Box Challenge and if you were a fan of Women’s wrestling it probably would have made you want to pull an Elvis and shoot the television or at least throw something at it.

I can’t even begin to explain the rules to this clusterfuck of a match, but basically TNA spit in the face of the entire Knockouts division that has proven time and time again they can out draw everyone else on the roster ratings wise. So this Lock Box gimmick more then proves my theory that some people in TNA have women issues. The Lock Boxes were even more stupid then the match it self. Each winner got a key for a box. The boxes had “An open contract for a match of her choice”, “Must perform a striptease”, Poison the spider, and THE KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP.

Yes this meant that Tara could in theory lose the TNA Knockouts championship not in a match but by turn of the key. TNA has done some pretty retarded things in their seven years, but this one has to be in the top five if not top three of stupidity. How they continue to piss all over the Women’s division is beyond me. How they also let go of some of the top Women’s wrestlers in the world in the last few months is mind numbing. Awesome Kong gets to walk because TNA decides to stick with Bubba The Love Sponge.

Seriously fuck Bubba and he little army. It’s the same five people in the front row ever week with the Hogan and Bubba signs. That’s not an Army…it’s barely a platoon.

Now if TNA wanted a REAL Army on their side they should enlist the O&A Army: The Pests.

These guys know how to do viral marketing and that is something TNA needs some lessons in. I mean it was pretty funny during the show the other night to hear Mike Tenay tell everyone “TEXT AND PHONE YOUR FRIENDS, IMPACT IS ON NOW”. Considering they sent out e-mail last Thursday night saying Impact was on TONIGHT at 8PM and then inside the E-mail it said Monday it’s pretty clear that TNA can’t quite grasp this Internet thing. It’s ironic since TNA’s fan base is Internet fans. We are the only ones willing to stick through all this bullshit.

The plus side apparently Spike and TNA have decided to move Impact to 8PM permanently and also have the replays on Thursday at 9 PM. At least I can reset my DVR and tape the final episodes of 24 in peace now.

On a sad note this week, Chris Kanyon passed away at the age of 40 from an apparent suicide last week. Last night I made the trek into Sunnyside in Queens and went to the wake of Chris Kanyon at the Lynch Funeral Home on Queens Blvd. It was jam packed with family and friends and I would assume fans but I didn’t talk to anyone while I was there.

Normally I wouldn’t go to a wake for someone I didn’t even know, but on Saturday morning I got an IM from someone I don’t know asking if I had heard the rumor about Kanyon. I said I didn’t and he told me that there was this rumor online posted by someone who lived in Kanyon’s apartment building that Chris had OD’ed. I was hoping it wasn’t true. The guy who IM’ed me asked if I knew anyone who could find out. I don’t have sources so I couldn’t but I checked an online FDNY scanner to see if there was anything about Paramedics in Queens for an OD but I didn’t hear anything. Eventually I e-mailed the guy from DOI and Raven’s office e-mail telling asking if they knew anyone who could check on his well being.

Sadly as we know it was all true. I decided to go tonight to just pay my respects. As I said there was a huge turn out so Kanyon had a lot of family and friends. There were a lot of pictures of him in better times. He looked as good as one can hope when they are laid out. I didn’t know him but I said the best prayer I could and I asked God to take care him now that he’s with him.

I didn’t stick around to long. It was very crowded and I’m slightly claustrophobic so cramped spaces and me don’t get along to well. I can only hope someday wrestlers get some sort of help so that in their darkest moment and hour they don’t do something like this. I really hope that Kanyon’s death will serve as a wake up call for some but lets be honest, it won’t. It’s honestly sad to say that but it’s the truth. All we can hope for is anyone dealing with psychological problems like Kanyon was (he was diagnosed as being Bi-Polar) can get the help they need before it’s too late.

On a closing thought, a lot of people on the Internet found it funny that Lance Storm is retiring from reviewing Impact because of the top of the head wicked chair shot Homicide gave to Rob Terry so TNA could show what a monster he is. A chair shot like that a couple of days after Kanyon’s death was a bit too much for him. I don’t know if TNA intentionally did it just because the WWE and ROH are now banning chair shots to the head or if they think Rob Terry actually will be something more then a juiced up meathead. But there are a lot of things to cause one to stop watching TNA. Orlando Jordan would be one of them. I am all for a bi-sexual gimmick in wrestling, but Jordan does not have the presence or charisma to even pull off something like this. Plus lets not forget the fact that he is absolute crap in the ring. But of course Bischoff and Russo figure pissing off the Internet is better then nothing so of course we’ll see more of Orlando Gaga doing some simulated Bukkake for no apparent reason.

There’s probably a lot more I could say on this subject, but there’s only so much one can say with out coming off like a homophobe.

On that note I am done for this week. I am just truly sorry that the rumor about Kanyon was true. It’s one of those times I wish it was just a cruel Internet hoax. So until next time take care and remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.

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TNA wrestler Mick Foley says he’ll be off TV at least for a while after his “Loser Leaves Town” match against Jeff Jarrett on Monday night, which he says will allow other wrestlers a chance to get TV time.

Foley posted his weekly blog on TNA’s website and covered a number of pertinent subjects worth reading.

“I really don’t know what the future holds for me, but I accept that every match I have could be my last, as the recovery time needed after any match of substance is probably more than it should be,” Foley said. “I do hope to be back, and eventually, I think I’ll find a creative way to do it.”

Foley also suggested he’s taking the high road as a “non-wrestling talent” taking himself off TV while other non-wrestlers like Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, and Eric Bischoff are on TV.

“I also know that there is only so much room on the roster for a guy who is primarily a non-wrestler – especially since there are three other guys (Hulk, Flair, E.B) who also fit that bill,” Foley said. “Those guys are all incredibly talented, and have so much to offer, and, unlike me, haven’t been on TNA weekly for the past year and a half. So maybe it’s only right that some of the TV time that I’ve taken up should go not only to newer guys on the roster, but to guys who are either in the prime of their careers, or on the way up.”

Foley talked about the angle on Impact where he bloodied Bubba the Love Sponge as he was “leaving town” following the scripted loss to Jeff Jarrett. Foley said he apologized to Bubba on Tuesday after hearing about the damage he inflicted to Bubba’s nose.

“I know some people will claim I hit him on purpose because of the Awesome Kong incident, but that is not the case. I spoke to Bubba the day after that deal, and told him how I felt about it, then had a chance to discuss it on Bubba’s show and write about it on TNA’s website,” Foley said. “So as far as I am concerned, there was no problem.”

Foley will be in Phoenix during WrestleMania weekend for a comedy show on Saturday night with Ring of Honor wrestler Colt Cabana. Foley talked up ROH and said he will be attending the promotion’s Saturday afternoon show before his night-time comedy gig at Arizona St. University.

“I don’t think too many people know this, but I have remained good friend with Ring of Honor owner Cary Silkin since my short stint in ROH several years ago,” Foley said”. ROH is helping us out with this show by making sure that anyone who mentions the letters ROH when booking tickets for our comedy show gets a 15 percent discount.”

TNAStars.com: Get the Latest News on TNA Wrestling! ›››

- Below is the updated card for TNA’s Lockdown coming out of tonight’s iMPACT:

TNA World Heavyweight Title Match
The Pope vs. AJ Styles

Lethal Lockdown
Team Hogan (Abyss, Hulk Hogan & others) vs. Team Flair (Sting, Ric Flair & others)

- No word yet on who will make up the rest of the Lethal Lockdown teams.

Source: Wrestling Observer Newsletter

- The segment where Sting kept beating Rob Van Dam down with a baseball bat on the March 8th iMPACT was not planned to go as long as it did.

It’s being said that Hulk Hogan was slow in doing the run-in so Sting had to improvise but apparently that’s not entirely correct. TNA had scripted a certain moment where Hogan would run-in in the early part of the second hour, based on a minute-by-minute breakdown of the January 4th iMPACT and when viewership peaked. The problem came when segments in the first hour ran short so they had to stretch things out going into the second hour.

Sting wasn’t supposed to take out the referees on the ramp or go back to the ring but he had to kill time because he was sent to the ring too early for the match, based on the breakdown they had scripted from.

- Reid Flair, son of The Nature Boy, is expected to be at some of the upcoming TNA iMPACT shows and tapings. It’s unknown if he will be brought in as a wrestler or if he’s just coming in for training.

- The top talents in TNA right now are not getting their interviews scripted by creative. Guys like Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan and Ken Anderson are all given bullet points to get across but are told to do what they want, just make sure to get those points in.

Source: Wrestling Observer Newsletter

- TNA and Spike TV have decided to air the iMPACT replay on Thursday nights at 9PM after all.

- Ric Flair is telling people he is having more fun working in TNA than he has had in years because he loves being a top heel. Flair still thinks he can have one more world-class match, with Kurt Angle.

- Hulk Hogan was in tremendous pain after last week’s TNA iMPACT and the tapings. He was icing his back for a long time. Hogan has been protecting his back in the ring and only did a few bumps but still is hurting. Right now Hogan’s not expected to wrestle anytime soon but that could always change.

Partial source: ProWrestling.net

- Hulk Hogan was said to have enjoyed the segments on iMPACT last week where he was portrayed as someone who was old and shouldn’t be wrestling anymore.

- Word is that Jeff Hardy signed a contract with TNA over a week ago. Details of the deal are unknown but TNA officials reportedly wanted around 100 dates from Hardy over the next 12 months, meaning they would want him to work some house show dates.

Shannon Moore also signed a deal with TNA after Hardy did. There was talk of using the two as a tag team to start but that doesn’t look like the direction they’re headed.

THE Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase says there is no new wrestling war between WWE and TNA.

Speaking exclusively to the Daily Star, the 2010 Hall of Famer dismissed any suggestion that there is genuine competition in the wrestling industry today.

“No, it’s not a war. No, it’s not. The WWE has no real competition. There isn’t anybody out there as I see it who can replicate the machine that WWE has become. It’s unbelievable.

“I said this way back, what WCW did was take Turner’s money and bought talent, stars that were created by Vince McMahon, and when the newness of that wore off, it was over.

“The one thing that Vince can do that nobody else can do better is create stars. He grew up with it, it’s been his life. He has the same passion for it as we do.

“There is no competition. There is no war. There is no opponent.” DiBiase has earned his stripes as one of the greatest proponents of the game over three decades at WWF, WCW and latterly WWE. His ability to aggrandise and adapt to a unique gimmick set him in stone in the hearts and minds of wrestling fans like FT.

“I have a lot of friends over there in TNA. The reality is this. I am 56 years old. Hulk Hogan is the same age as me. Ric Flair is 61 years old. No-one is interested in re-hashing a story which is 15 years old – who wants to watch a bunch of old men?

“My father died in the ring, and I made a promise to myself that I would never stay too long.” A salient point if the US ratings are anything to go by this week. Time will tell what the UK fans make of it all. RVD and Jeff Hardy returned for
TNA’s first Monday, but seemingly made no difference, probably due to the complete lack of advertising.

Consequently, they took a pounding. Wrestling is as much about creating stars as plugging the established ones, and Impact looked a little busy with vets to me.

Stay tuned to FT in the run-up to Mania for more from the DiBiase clan, as FT had the pleasure of entertaining the pair in London last week.

TNAStars.com: Get the Latest News on TNA Wrestling! ›››